They both resumed digging. “When my marriage to Felix ended, Jude was just a freshman in high school. Very young.”
“Thatisyoung. I remember my three brothers at that age.”
“Jude and I moved out of Maple Lane, our old house, and into a new one. Jeremiah came back from Europe for a few weeks and would have stayed longer, but Jude and I assured him that he should return to racing. He did, which I still believe was the right call. He went on to great success.”
“Yes.”
“But that meant that Jude was the only one home with me during the darkest time of my life. For two years, I wasn't very functional.” She placed a clam in her basket. Gemma did the same, then they moved down the beach a few steps. “It felt like I was surrounded by a black fog that made it hard to move, to breathe, to think. I couldn’t get to the bottom of my grief and betrayal.”
Fiona lifted her face and took a moment to let the beauty around her temper the memories. Today's late-April high had reached sixty-two. But here on the water, the wind was cooler and stronger than it had been in Groomsport. With just an hour of daylight left, the massive sky peered down on them moodily. The sun shot upward through clouds ranging in color from bright white to opaque gray.
“I became a bit of a hermit.” Fiona burrowed her hoe into the sand. “For one thing, I couldn't motivate myself to go out. For another, I was embarrassed. It didn't help that the majority of people were delighted that I'd gotten what they viewed as my comeuppance.” Fiona had given this type of speech to Jude’s past few long-term girlfriends. She viewed it as her penance for what she'd put Jude through. Additionally, though, this was her way of testing the girlfriends. Her version of placing a pea under a stack of mattresses, like in the fairytale. The woman who was sensitive to this information, who liked him even more and treated him even better because of it . . . That would be the right person for her son.
“During his early high school years, Jude parented me. Insisting that I eat. Lecturing me into taking showers. Going to the grocery store. He went on walks with me so I'd get fresh air and exercise. He held my hand when I cried. That he graduated high school is a testament to how smart he is because he missed a lot of classes on my behalf. He quit sports. He didn’t date. He hung out with friends rarely.”
Using her wrist to hold her hair back from her eyes, Gemma looked directly at Fiona—something most people didn't have the nerve to do. “My mom had a stroke many years ago. My brothers and I had to step up to help. I know my mom harbors guilt because of that. But the truth is, my brothers and I are better people because of it.”
A gust of emotion caught Fiona by surprise, squeezing her throat. “That’s an excellent perspective to take. I do believe that Jude emerged an even better person but that doesn't stop me from regretting that he had to grow up so very fast. He became cautious during those hard years, worried about making mistakes. If you see evidence of that in him, now you'll know why.”
“Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“You're welcome.” Fiona added another clam to her basket. “I was much better by the time Jude was a senior in high school. I'd started my company and was feeling like myself again. I insisted Jude apply to any college he wanted, no matter how far away. He was able to have a normal college experience.”
“It all worked out.”
“Yes.” Nearly so, anyway. Fiona could go the rest of her life without love and marriage. But she did not want that for Jude. After all his sacrifices for her, it was imperative that Jude get his happily ever after. Maybe then the score between her and her younger son would be closer to settled and the scales of justice would hang fair.
* * *
Jude left a meeting that had run long, made his way toward his desk, and saw Riley hovering there. His steps slowed as he approached. Most of the office had already cleared out for the day. He wished Riley had gone with them.
“Anything I can do for you before I go?” she asked.
“No, thanks.”
Her hands twisted together. “It was so much fun to see you at the sports bar and meet your brother.”
“Yeah.” His time at the sports bar was fuzzy in his memory. Mostly, he recalled how desolate he'd felt over Gemma.
“Do you have plans to go again any time soon?”
“No, no plans.”
“When you do decide to go, please let me know.”
“All right,” Jude said while thinkingno way. He indicated his desk. “If you’ll excuse me, I have some things I need to address.”
She seemed to go into a little trance. Snapping out of it, she said, “Of course! See you tomorrow?”
“Yep.”
She paused for an awkward amount of time before leaving.
Sitting, he pulled his phone from the drawer and found a text from Gemma waiting.
Gemma
Max stopped by my store just now. He invited me to a clam dig on Sears Island this evening with some of your relatives. I said I'd go. Join us if you're free!
