He needed to be honest enough with himself to admit that he had serious issues with trust. The walls he’d built didn’t make him a good bet as a boyfriend.
If his feelings for Ben and Leah were true, he’d want them to end up together.
That’s what was in their best interest.
Many miles to the north, Leah’s eyes sank closed reverently as she sampled the first bite of her meal: bibimbap, Korean comfort food.
Ben, unsure of what to order, had followed her lead. Thus, matching stone bowls of food sat before them. Rice formed the base of the dish, crowned with a fried egg surrounded by colorful mounds of spiced beef, bean sprouts, carrot, zucchini, spinach.
“So good,” Ben said.
“So good,” she confirmed, adding an additional squirt of chili paste to the dish, then mixing all the ingredients together. “You know, when you and Natasha and Genevieve showed up at Sebastian’s house the other day, I couldn’t believe that I was surrounded by four of the Miracle Five.”
“Impressive, aren’t we?” he joked.
“It was a rare honor.” The only one who’d been absent was the one who’d never joined the rest, even when they were young, in their public appearances and interviews. Luke Dempsey. “Is Luke still in prison?” He’d spent the last seven years in prison for felony theft.
“Yeah, but he’s supposed to come up for parole soon. We’re hoping he finally gets out.”
She asked Ben to tell her more about Natasha and Genevieve, and he filled her in.
On this midweek night in early August, most of the restaurant’s seats were occupied by tourists enjoying summer vacations. The establishment had a crisp, modern atmosphere. Dark gray tiled floor, pops of lime green fabric, a white and silver lighting scheme.
Ben had offered to pick her up this evening, but she’d told him she’d meet him here. If he’d driven them, it would have given the evening a datelike feel. Also, she didn’t enjoy relying on others for rides. Doing so made her feel helpless, and she loathed feeling helpless.
For tonight’s outing, she’d chosen a full skirt and a sleeveless shirt printed with little yellow birds. He’d arrived looking slightly more formal in a green dress shirt, flat front pants, leather shoes.
They were situated at a cozy table for two. Eating out. Away from their usual environment of the school. Away from the rest of their teacher friends. Dressed in fancier clothing than normal.
She might be wrong, because she could never trust her conclusions about such things, but thisdidfeel datelike to her, despite that she’d driven herself here.
As she met Ben’s beautiful eyes from across the table, her nervesstretched. The intimacy of this dinner was confirming for her that she still wanted the same thing she’d always wanted from Ben. Friendship.
The relationship they already had was not a small thing to her. It wasn’t as if she had a large and close-knit circle of adult friends. She had Tess and Rudy. Ben. And a few more casual friendships at school and church. That was it. She was more than grateful for their current relationship.
But the hopeful look on his face was substantiating what Sebastian had told her—that Ben wanted more. Which made her feel like an appalling human being because she truly,trulydid not want to hurt him. He was one of the kindest people she’d ever met. Encouraging, thoughtful, supportive. Dozens of times he’d paved the way for her at Misty River High. He was a fantastic listener and, like Sebastian had pointed out, he was loyal.
She’d been eating with a fork, but now fiddled with the unused chopsticks lying next to her napkin.
“Is something wrong?” Ben asked.
“I ... have an awkward question to ask you. Do you think our friendship can handle an awkward question or two?”
“Absolutely. What’s your question?”
She stilled the chopsticks, mounded her hands in her lap. “I’m interested in knowing if you like me as more than a friend.”
His head pulled back a few inches with surprise.
She waited.
“Come again?” he said.
“I’m interested in knowing if you like me as more than a friend.”
“Uh. Well.” He fidgeted. “What motivated you to ask that?”
“Curiosity. I’d like to be sensitive to where you’re coming from, but I can’t tell where you’re coming from. In order to find out, I have to ask.”
