“Where?”
“Riverside Pharmacy. I’d ... asked my doctor in Nashville to put a prescription into the system for me back in August when I was going through detox.”
“Why?”
“Because I was so sick at the time. And unsure if I could make it.” A line notched the skin between her brows. “I was in a bad place mentally last night, and it helped me feel better, somehow, to know that the pills were nearby. If necessary.”
“It made you feel better,” he said with tight control, “to know that poison was nearby if necessary?”
She set her mouth. “I didn’t take any.”
“Genevieve,” he growled.
“Yes, Sam? Are you going to kick me out of the cottage now?” Irritation rolled off her as she drew herself tall.
“Of course not.”
“That’s what you said you’d do.”
“That’s what I said I’d do months ago. Now I couldn’t stand it if you left.” Hehatedthese pills. His fingers curled around the bottle, and he wished he could crush it in his grip. “As long as you keep hiding your addiction to Oxy, you are never going to beat it.”
“I am beating it!”
Kayden’s addiction had been dangerous, and he and Kayden had both kept silent about it. At the time, he’d labeled his silence as loyalty. In truth, he’d betrayed Kayden with his silence, just as much as she’d betrayed herself with it. Hiding her struggle hadn’t helped her. Hiding it had ended in her death.
“The next step is taking pills in secret,” he said, his pulse throbbing. “And the next step is you wasting away.”
Outraged color swept up her face. “No.Kayden’snext step was taking pills in secret. Kayden’s next step was wasting away.” Sheplanted her hands on her hips. “Are—are you comparing me to Kayden every time you’re around me?”
“No.”
“Are you trying to help me because you wish you could go back and help her?”
“Of course not.”
“I don’t want to be your do-over, Sam.”
Her words slapped him. “You aren’t my do-over.”
“Do you still love her?” she demanded.
“I loveyou,” he said furiously, almost shouting. “You’re the one I go to sleep thinking about and wake up thinking about. I’ve been lonely for years, and you’re the one who’s changed that. You’re everything to me, which is why it terrifies me that you turned to painkillers last night instead of to me.”
She opened her mouth to speak but words didn’t come.
Hopelessness made a grab for his heart. He pushed his palm against his chest as if doing so might keep it intact. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this upset or desperate. He needed to go. He didn’t trust himself to say one more word.
As he stalked from the guesthouse, fat raindrops blew against him sideways. Then thunder crashed. Water wet his shirt, his hair, his neck.
He drove his truck to his house. As soon as he reached his kitchen, he checked the label for the number of pills that had been prescribed. Sixty. He dumped the pills onto the dining room table and counted them.
Twelve, thirteen, fourteen. Tremors racked his body. He’d understood all along that he couldn’t deal with Genevieve going back to pills again and again and again.
In your weakness I am strong.
Lightning sent brightness flashing through the room.
Horrible memories from the past pulled at him. Grimly, he continued counting.
