She went to her kitchen and pulled a carton of Ben & Jerry’s Salted Caramel Core from her freezer. She wasn’t hungry for it, but at a time like this actual hunger for ice cream was irrelevant.
She sat on her sofa, but—nope—popped up within a few seconds. She carried the ice cream and spoon outside and sat on her front porch. The bad-tempered weather suited her better than the calm air indoors. Tucking her feet underneath her, she steadily spooned up bites of ice cream.
After kissing Zander on the beach, she’d been the one who’d given a speech aimed at convincing him that no harm had been done. She’d said some nonsensical thing about how they shouldn’t give the kiss any more weight than playing football on the beach.
Well, harmhadbeen done.
And here she was, two weeks later, still giving the kiss a tremendous amount of weight.
They’d been working hard to go through the motions of their friendship. Clearly, they were both determined to forge on and salvage what they could.
It wasn’t working. Before that day on the beach, she’d feared that kissing him might wreck things.
And it had.
The time had come to face that depressing fact.
They were doing and saying the right things. But their friendship didn’tfeelright anymore. Awkwardness pervaded that which had never been awkward before. They were trapped in a painfully uncomfortable limbo and couldn’t return to the way things had been.
She’d always seen Zander first and foremost as her friend. Now she saw him as a man. A man with an emotional topography buried within him that she’d yet to fully explore. A man with physical needs she hadn’t acknowledged.
Maybe she should just confess her crush and tell him that she wanted to date him. He’d been the one who’d initiated their kiss, after all, which was promising. Her sisters might be right—a romance with Zander could lead them forward into something new and beautiful. Since they couldn’t go backward, what did she have to lose?
Except... Her heart sank a little.
Her sisters were in love, and neither of them could be trusted to think like a normal, sane person.
She set the ice cream aside.
Zander hadn’t said anything to her about wanting to date her either the day of their kiss or on any day since. He’d had numerous opportunities. So many! He hadn’t taken any of them, which forced her to question whether he had feelings for her. And if he did, how strong those feelings truly were. Her pride would take a beating if she told him she wanted to date him and he said no thanks.
Also, her dating track record wasn’t reassuring. If she’d had, say, one or two serious boyfriends in her past, then she’d have a reason to think that she could hold up her end of a long-term love. Instead, she was one of the most commitment-phobic people she knew.
Zander’s heart wasn’t easily given. But if he did give it to her, then she’d need to shoulder the huge responsibility that came with that. If she didn’t shoulder it successfully, if she ended up trampling on his heart, then she’d lose him completely. His tendency todistance himself from people who hurt him was a hand-me-down from his childhood, a defensive tactic she couldn’t blame him for.
Restlessness propelled her to her feet. She returned the remaining Ben & Jerry’s to the freezer. Then she dumped her dish and spoon into the dishwasher, ruining the masterpiece of Zander’s loading.
Anger throbbed in her temples, growing more insistent. She was angry with herself. And angry at Zander, too. He’d kissed her!He’dkissedher. A person shouldn’t kiss someone unless they were able to tell that person they liked them. A person shouldn’t kiss someone unless they were ready to deal with the issues a kiss might push to the surface. He hadn’t told her he liked her! He wasn’t ready to deal with the issues! If he had been, then maybe things wouldn’t be so stupidly strained between them.
To add insult to injury, he was leaving and flying to Missouri, and she’d miss him. She was glad he’d carved out time for a visit with his brother. Still! This small separation was a precursor of the much longer separation that was looming when Zander returned to his Grand Tour. And all of it was making her feel like she was losing her mind.
Too agitated to sit, she began assembling ingredients from her kitchen cupboards.
She’d make chocolate.
Interested in a girl’s night out?Hannah texted Britt, Maddie, and Mia two days later. I’m in the mood to dress up, eat fancy food, then go to a club.
Yes, please!Britt texted back.I’m in.
Maddie couldn’t make it, she had plans with Leo. But, luckily, Mia was also game.
Hannah now lived in the town of Shelton. Mia, farther away in Kamilche. Since Shelton was the largest of the three towns and located in the middle, they decided to meet there and entrust the planning to Hannah, the most social among them.
Ordinarily, Britt’s get-togethers with her high school friendswere low-key. They’d cook together, then eat on the patio that jutted off the back of Mia’s apartment and offered a view of the water. They’d go to a restaurant in downtown Merryweather, then walk to Maddie’s place afterward for dessert.
Every once in a while, though, Hannah would get antsy and talk them all into a flashier night out. Ordinarily, Britt preferred their low-key gatherings. But this time? A flashy night out suited her perfectly.
Bring it on. Bring on the distractions of expensive food, laughter, and deafening music. She’d funnel all the edginess and dissatisfaction of the past weeks straight into her evening with Hannah and Mia.
