“Good to know. I’m glad I know at least one normal person.”
They’d been driving for a few hours and hadn’t said much to each other until the message had come in from Rosie.
She sneaked a glance at him, aware that something had changed.
Yesterday it had been relaxed and—well—normal. Today everything felt tense.Heseemed tense. She was pretty tense herself, but that was mostly because she kept reliving the moment when he’d walked out of the shower with only a towelaround his hips (she’d known him for her whole life and suddenly she couldn’t stop thinking about his shoulders). But he couldn’t possibly know that. He couldn’t possibly know what was going on in her head so he must have his own reasons for behaving strangely.
Maybe he was bored with her family drama. Or maybe he was just tired.
She wanted to ask if he was okay, which was definitely something Rosie would have done, but she hated being asked that question herself so she kept it to herself and focused on the latest drama emanating from her family.
“I’m glad Rosie warned me. At least now I can practice rearranging my features into a delighted expression.”
“You’re not delighted?”
“I don’t know. My emotions about things tend to be more neutral, you know that. I’m not like Rosie. Roller Coaster Rosie. Up one minute and down the next.”
He smiled. “I remember you calling her that. It was an apt name.”
“You’ve known Jamie forever. Does this seem weird to you? Suddenly getting married? I’m sure Granny will immediately assume she’s pregnant. I hope she doesn’t say it out loud. But I doubt it’s that. What do you think?”
He didn’t answer immediately. “I suppose if you know you’ve met the right person, then it’s not weird.”
“But people don’t know, do they? Not really. It’s not an exact science. If it was, no one would ever get it wrong. People think they’re in love and then suddenly they’re not. Or they think they’re not in love, and suddenly discover they are.”
Like her, for example. She’d had no clue she was in love with Declan until Rosie’s wedding. She’d seen him almost every day for the five years they’d worked together. They’d sat side by side. Worked on projects together. Brought each other coffee and chocolate from the snack bar that thecompany made available to employees. Ranted to each other in the corridor when no one was listening. Gone for the occasional drink and pizza after work. They were friends. And she hadn’t known she’d wanted anything more than that until the day he’d married her sister. Her feelings had crept up on her and she hadn’t even noticed.
How did that happen?Whydid that happen?
She stared at the road, pondering.
The snow had been cleared and lay in soft piles along the side of the road, the surface glinting in the sunlight.
Will slowed down as they approached a sharp bend. “That’s a very Becky thing to say.”
She turned to look at him. “What? What do you mean?”
“You want a logical explanation for everything. Evidence. You always have. You don’t let feelings influence your decisions.”
“Because feelings are weird, unpredictable things that come and go, and change, which is why I try not to pay attention to them.”
“So if you feel something strongly—”
“I wait until the feeling passes. I certainly don’t use it as a basis for decision making. And what’s wrong with that? If you’re doing a trial into a new treatment for some medical condition you look for evidence that it works, don’t you? You don’t rely on gut instinct.”
“No. As you say, evidence. Lots of evidence, from different sources.”
“Exactly. Because you don’t want to get it wrong and risk damaging the patient. And yet time and time again people rely on gut instinct to make the biggest decision of their lives and yes, when it goes wrong, they’re damaged. There has to be a better way.”
“You’ve never made a decision based on feelings?”
She shrugged. “I suppose choosing what to eat is drivenby my feelings. Burger or pizza. Which am I in the mood for. Does that count?”
“Yes. And chocolate. Eating chocolate is always an emotional decision.”
“True. But that’s the limit to which I let feelings dictate my actions. Feelings are unregulated and unreliable. And that’s probably why I’m dreading Christmas. I’m going to be drowning in everyone’s feelings. Jamie’s, Rosie’s, definitely my mother’s because I can’t imagine she isn’t hurt that she didn’t get invited to the wedding—” And her own. She’d be drowning in her own feelings too.
This was going to be the first time she’d seen Declan in months and she was dreading it. She’d made it easier for herself by never being in the same room as him, but that was about to change.
