“It’s not fair on you. I feel bad.”
“Don’t. We’re a team, we always have been.” And she felt better than she had because now she had a much clearer understanding of the problem.
“Dad will be here tomorrow. You should talk to him.”
“Nothing to talk about. I’m not depressed, Jen. You’re right, it’s just a big adjustment and I wasn’t expecting it because I was looking forward to retirement. Talking to your dad isn’t going to change anything.”
“I wasn’t suggesting a consultation. And I wasn’t suggesting that you need his help.” Although she suspected that maybe he did. But what he also needed was something else to focus on. “I was thinking that what you’re dealing with might make a perfect chapter for his book. It’s something we all struggle with, isn’t it? Change? As you say, you saw it all the time when you were working. People navigating changes to their family circumstances, which impacts on health. Changes in health generally. Your body lets you down sometimes, and learning to live with that reality is an adjustment. Life is one big adjustment. And you might not need Dad’s help, but he definitely needs yours. Mum thinks that if you don’t help it will never get off the ground.”
He stood up and put his shoes away. “I’m not sure there’s an audience for this book if I’m honest, but I don’t want to kill your dad’s enthusiasm.” He unbuttoned his shirt. “There is so much health advice on the internet.”
“But that’s the point! There’s too much, and if you don’t have knowledge, where do you start? You know what it’s like when someone searches their symptoms on the internet. It’s a nightmare. You imagine the worst. The book my father wants to write is the type of advice you might get from your family doctor, but also focusing on prevention.”
“I don’t know, Jen—”
“It would give him a boost to make some progress with it, but he can’t do that without your help. You’ve only recently retired. You’d be able to guide him. Help him.”And he’d be helping you, too, she thought, but she didn’t say that part aloud. “Will you at least think about it? Ask him about it tomorrow? Will you do it for me?”
Let him think that. Let him think he was doing it for her. For her father. For anyone other than himself.
“All right.” He tugged off his shirt and leaned down to kiss her. “I’m going to take a shower. It’s been a long day.”
She’d never known a day to pass so quickly, but she guessed that in the world he was living in right now time passed slowly. She was going to do what she could to help with that.
But first she had to get her head around Jamie’s news.
Hayley was his wife now. A member of the family. A new phase.
Martin’s reminder that they’d adjust to this and that it would soon feel normal had been helpful.
“I feel better than I did, but I still wish they’d told us.”
He dropped his shirt into the laundry basket. “Would it help if I reminded you that there were things we did and told our parents about afterwards?”
“Like what?”
“Buying this house for a start. You were worried your parents would tell you that it was old and expensive and too far away from the village and schools and that you’d spend your life in the car, so we put in our offer and told them afterwards.”
She felt a flash of guilt. “That’s true, but it’s not quite the same thing.”
“The principle is the same. We wanted to do what we wanted to do, and we didn’t want to be influenced by them.”
“That’s true. And I remember being terrified when I called to tell them because I thought they’d list all the reasons we’dregret it. Which is, of course, why we didn’t tell them until it was too late.” She sighed. “Okay, fine, you’ve made your point. I’ll try and remember how it felt to be young and independent.”
She stood up, overwhelmed by everything. Christmas wasn’t supposed to feel this way. It was supposed to be lighthearted and fun and filled with silly moments. It wasn’t supposed to be this serious. It wasn’t supposed to be filled with anxiety.
“I need fresh air. I’ll take Percy out while you’re in the shower.”
“Now? Jen, it’s after midnight and it has been snowing all day.”
“The dog still needs to go outside. I’ll be fine. I’ll wear boots and plenty of layers. I’ve lived here all my life. You don’t have to tell me how to dress for the weather.” She tugged open a drawer and pulled out her thermal underwear and fleece-lined trekking pants.
“Do you want me to come?”
“No. Go to bed. You look tired.” Normally she would have relished his company, but not right now. She wanted to be on her own. She needed to give her emotions a rest and try to replenish some of her energy for the next day.
She tiptoed downstairs and grabbed her thick jacket. Percy trotted to the door in anticipation, tail wagging.
At least someone was behaving normally, she thought.
