She loved these little insights into his past. It was like slotting another piece into a large jigsaw puzzle.
“Are you trying to make me jealous?”
“I don’t know. If I was, would it be working?”
“Annoyingly, it might be. Have you seen her since?”
“Of course. She always comes to my parents’ New Year’s Eve party if she’s home. And brings her husband and her three cute, but very noisy, children.”
He always made her laugh, and right now she needed that because now that the reality of meeting his family was only moments away, she felt increasingly nervous. Her hands were a little shaky and it puzzled and annoyed her because she’d been taking care of herself for her whole life. Her childhood had been an emotional wasteland and she’d learned to rely on herself. She was fiercely independent. She’d built a life and taught herself not to need people. Which made her feelings for him all the more surprising and unsettling.
She gazed at his profile. How had she ended up here? Somehow this man had sneaked under her defences, and he’d done it without her even noticing. She’d gone from being self-reliant and never needing anyone to being unable to imagine a life without him, and that was terrifying. She felt vulnerable, and she wasn’t used to feeling vulnerable. It made her a little unsteady, and that unsteadiness grew as they approached his home.
They’d had such a happy day and now she felt almost afraid. Nervous and a little sick.
She curved her fingers into her palms and immediately felt his hand cover hers.
“You’re going to be fine.” He spoke softly. “I’ll be right there with you. The whole time.”
The fact that he seemed to sense everything she was feeling was something she was still getting used to.
What shook her was the depth of feeling she had for him. It was like standing on a cliff edge, a breath away from falling.
She tried to lighten her mood. “What if I need the bathroom? Are you going to follow me there?”
“If it’s the downstairs bathroom it will be a tight squeeze—” he glanced at her briefly “—but I never mind being squashed into tight spaces with you.”
Her stomach flipped.
They couldn’t get enough of each other, and for a wild moment she wished they’d gone away somewhere, just the two of them, but she’d been seduced by the idea of a family Christmas, and also she knew how much it meant to him to be with his family at this time of year. She would never have asked him to skip it.
And it was too late for regrets because she saw a gleam of lights through the snowy trees and then the driveway curved and opened up and there, right in front of her, was the house.
It had the most perfect dimensions, and she felt a lump form in her throat because if she’d been asked to design her dream family home this would have been it. Soft light glowed and through one of the downstairs windows she could see the sparkling outline of a large Christmas tree.
She felt as if she’d landed in one of her own festive illustrations.
“It’s so pretty.”
“Yes. Normally we just have a wreath on the door, so my parents have clearly upped their game.” Jamie parked next to two other cars, swinging into the space with ease. “Looks as ifRosie and Declan are already here. That’s good. It will be less overwhelming for you if you meet people in stages.”
She couldn’t stop looking at the house. She’d drawn so many Christmassy images, imagined so many festive houses, and yet none had looked quite like this. Because this was real. Whatever she drew, she was always on the outside. An observer. But now she was going to be part of it.
And with that realisation came another flash of disquiet.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t tell them our news right away?”
“No. We’ll wait until this evening. Make a big announcement.”
“Okay.”
They were his family. He knew them, surely? And what did she know about family dynamics. Nothing at all.
He leaned in and kissed her. “I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life and nothing is going to change that.”
She’d never been the best thing in anyone’s life before and she still couldn’t totally believe it or trust it. It was like taking a step onto ice, not sure if it was going to hold your weight.
“I love you too.” And she hoped this whole thing wasn’t going to backfire. She and Jamie felt as if they’d been together forever but for his family their relationship was new.
