“Even if you don’t feel you’ve got to know them properly yet, whatever happened to supporting each other? Isn’t that what married couples are supposed to do? Maybe you didn’t want to be there, but you could have done it for me. Because I wanted you there. Just as the reason I’m sitting in this car now is because you want us to spend Christmas with your family.”
His words knocked the air from her lungs.
“Are you saying you don’t want to spend Christmas with my family? You’re making it sound like some sort of chore or obligation.”
He hesitated just a moment too long and she felt as if the bottom had dropped out of her world.
“Fine then, don’t come.” The words rushed out of her. Had they really reached this point just because she’d decided not to go to his work Christmas party? No. There was more to it than that, there had to be. “If spending Christmas with my family sounds so terrible to you, then don’t come. I would hate to inflict a big family Christmas on you if you’re going to hate it.”
“Rosie—”
“I’ll say you’re sick. That’s the excuse you gave to your friends, wasn’t it?”
She couldn’t believe that happiness could turn to misery so quickly. Emotions boiled inside her. She wished she could turn the clock back. From now on she was making lists for everydecision she made. And she was going to take more time over it. No more impulsive moments.
There was a tense, swollen silence and then he looked at her and something in his eyes made her heart turn over. “I don’t understand what’s going on here. I can’t talk to you when you’re this upset.”
The more upset she became, the more he withdrew from it, but how was she supposed to not be upset?
Tears stung her eyes. “Do you wish you’d never married me?”
He frowned. “Rosie—”
“Do you?”
He sighed. “I think we should have this conversation when we’re calmer.”
So he did regret it.
Her heart ached and she turned her head and looked out of the window so that he wouldn’t see her tears fall.
She was so cold. Absolutely freezing. She would have done anything for a hug, but something about this new tension between them had impacted on their usual chemistry. Normally she couldn’t stop touching him, and he couldn’t stop touching her, but the emotional distance had become a physical distance. Was that her fault? She’d never been good at separating her emotions from her actions. If she didn’t feel warm and loved on the inside, she couldn’t be warm and loving on the outside.
“I didn’t know you didn’t want to spend Christmas with me. I don’t want you to force yourself so just unload your one single bag and I’ll drive myself up north.”
“Rosie—”
“I don’t want to spend Christmas with someone who doesn’t want to be there. It will be miserable for both of us.”
He sighed. “Rosie—”
“You think I’m being over emotional, but maybe you should try being a little more emotional and then you might havesome insight into my feelings! But you’re such a level, calm kind of guy.”
“Yes. And in the beginning, you said you liked that about me. You said I calmed you down. Made you feel safe. You couldn’t wait to get married. You were excited. You were the one who picked February.”
It was all true. Her stupid impulsive emotional nature had been in full flow.
Would he have taken more time? Had she somehow swept him along?
Her fingers were freezing and she tugged on her gloves. “Maybe I should go on a computer programming course or something.”
He looked bemused. “Why would you want to do that?”
“So I can hold a conversation with your colleagues. So that when you talk about time series regression or something, I know what you’re talking about. Do they do a course called Coding for Clueless Creatives? I’ll ask Becky.”
“You’ve talked to Becky about this? About us?”
“No, I haven’t talked to Becky about us.” She’d barely talked to Becky at all lately, unfortunately. And that was another problem. “This is our marriage. I’m not going to talk to my sister about us. And anyway I hardly see her these days. She doesn’t want to burst our happy little romantic bubble.”
