“Good morning,” we said in unison. Tim let my hand go to shake his before I did the same, and we all sat down.
He studied us for a while, wrote something on the notepad, then looked up with a blank expression.
“How has the last week been? Did you two do the daily exercises that I gave you?” He asked, jumping right in.
“Yeah, we did,” Tim spoke up.
“Anything that you care to talk about? Anything we need to address right away, or should we go through each one?” He asked with that damn pen ready to write down my most intimate secrets.
I didn’t want to be the one to go first, so I looked at Tim to see if he had anything to discuss before I brought up my guilt.
“Yeah, I do. I have a list.” He said as he chuckled. If I could have melted into the chair, I would have been a stain on the pillow. Why would he have a whole damn list?
“Baby…” I groaned.
“What baby? I took the assignment seriously. That’s what you wanted me to do. I got questions.” He laughed at me before he turned back toward Dr. Long. “We wrote down the things that we wanted to do, and her list had me a lil bit throwed. It was mostly about her fantasies. A threesome was listed ascurious.Public sex is amust-try. Recording was amust try. And this last one just straight up threw me for a loop… degradation,must try.”
I hung my head and shook it aimlessly.
“Tim, that was a couple’s exercise. This man is not a sex therapist.” I mumbled, ashamed. Embarrassment washed over me quicker than I had imagined it would.
“Actually, sex therapists focus on helping to increase libido, difficulty with arousal, and helping navigate through sexual trauma. We’re focusing on trust, communication, and connections. You’re right where you need to be, but if you would like a referral to someone to see which style best fits you, I know a person.” Dr. Long offered. I blew a deep sigh. Because I stand corrected, now I have no way out.
“It’s fine. I’ve just been put on the spot, is all.” I sat back in the chair, and they both chuckled. Tim grabbed my hand and rubbed the back of my palm with his thumb.
“What exactly do you question, Mr. Thompson?” He asked as he tapped his pen against the notepad.
“I want her to explain what each one of those looks like for her. Especially the degradation. As my wife, I never wanted to feel disrespectful toward her. But shit.” His words trailed off as I bit the inside of my jaw nervously.
“As far as a threesome, I would definitely want to just watch. Or even join without the other person interacting with me. Public sex, I feel like I would like the idea of being in an area where no one knew me personally, and they could watch us. I don’t think we’ve ever made a video; I'd like to. We might want to watch it at a later date, to set the mood. And degradation… I don’t know. I might not want to be called beautiful or pretty.”
His face frowned in confusion as he looked at me for a second without speaking, “If you felt that way, why haven’t you said itbefore now?” He asked, waiting for my response with his hand underneath his chin.
I chuckled as I looked at the expression on his face, “Trust me, Tim. I’ve never felt like that before. Apparently, I’m not as experienced as I think I am. Most of my list came from me browsing a couple of categories on a website. Have you ever heard the saying ‘you don’t know what you don’t know ’? It’s not that deep,” I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, and grabbed his hand to rub it. I could see him visibly relaxing.
Up until now, Dr. Long had just let us navigate what we needed to get through, but then he finally stepped in.
“For my clarification. Are you more surprised about the things on the list, or concerned that you feel that she’s been having these feelings prior to last week?” He asked Tim as he looked up from the last word that he had scribbled on the paper.
“Uh, probably both. I thought everything between us sexually was good-”
“It’s great,” I emphasized truthfully. It was never my intention to make him feel like I hadn’t been satisfied. When he didn’t respond right away, I continued. “Tim, I don’t want this to turn into something that it’s not. I thought the purpose of this was to discuss the experiences we missed and would like to try. Don't magnify our sex life because that’s not the issue. You mentioned a threesome at least three times before; it’d be unfair for me to think that you’ve been unhappy with our intimacy because you might still want to have one.” I shot back.
After a moment of silence, the doctor spoke.
“That’s a great point,” Dr. Long agreed as he continued writing.
Tim didn’t say anything; he just reached out to me, pulled me closer to him, and kissed my forehead. I nestled against his body and rubbed his knee.
“So where do we go from here?” Dr. Long asked, looking toward Tim.
“We did every other exercise, and I don’t think we had any questions about them. We both had only one rule: safety. We will both test partners, and there will be no pregnancies. I just feel like we need to come up with a plan to execute it.”
“What would that plan look like for you?” Dr. Long shot back.
“I don’t think it needs to be a weekend. More like twenty-four hours. A ‘one-night stand’, type of deal. We can choose a person to fulfill whatever fantasies we had on the list.”
“I agree with that.” I chimed in only to agree, letting him take the lead on the planning.
