“No, you did not!”
“I did.” Elizabeth picked at the fabric of her skirt. “Jane, I was in pain. I was frightened for my future. It was only later that I realized how kindly he treated me after my injury. The fact that his honor required him to offer for me despite how low my situation was compared to his, engendered respect, something I never thought I would feel for him.”
“Do you love him?”
Elizabeth did not hesitate to reply. “I cannot say that I hate him anymore. At least not as much as I once did. He…he is the sort of man that…well, I cannot seem to find the words to say how I feel. As you are aware, respect is important to me. Where I will confess that there are a few things about Mr. Darcy that I like, I can say with absolute truth that I do not love him.”
Jane grinned. “It must have been divine to be carried in his strong arms around the lake. Even with your figure being light, the task was arduous, something only a well-muscled man could have achieved.”
“Jane Anne Bennet!”
“Lizzy Bennet, do not be shocked. I have imagined being swept off my feet after I marry. What if the gentleman was not physically strong enough to lift me? I would die of embarrassment, and he would be ashamed. You know, there is something to be said about a handsome face, strong arms, long legs, and broad shoulders. Mr. Darcy is a handsome man, who is all man from his wavy dark hair to his Hessians.”
Elizabeth’s blush warmed her skin. “I do not want to think of him that way, and you should not think of him that way either. After all, you are interested in Mr. Bingley, are you not?”
Jane nodded. “I understand. I will leave off complimenting Mr. Darcy’s form. Especially since I already experienced how powerful Mr. Bingley’s arms were when he helped me from the drawing room to this chamber.”
“Jane! You said nothing to me about this.”
“I know. And I should have, but it is the sort of thing I will forever hold dear in my heart. Lizzy, you cannot say that Mr. Darcy’s strength did not make you feel cherished. Unless he was rough about carrying you, there is something very special about being cosseted and protected by a kind man’s arms being about you. Did you not feel the same?”
Admitting her feelings to Jane was difficult, a new feeling for Elizabeth. Typically, they shared everything. “I did.”
“Lizzy, you should know that you were correct about there not being any talk since I heard none of this. Not even a whisper, and you know how much our mother loves to gossip. Since yesterday, I have had an abundance of visitors besides Mama, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. This morning, Charlotte, Maria, and Lady Lucas came to Netherfield Park to inquire about my health. Additionally, Mr. Bingley’s sisters spent considerable time with me, asking many questions about your character. Of course, I gave them a glowing report.”
“I thank you for your reassurance, dear sister.” Elizabeth climbed back on the bed to sit next to Jane. “My head is throbbing. My vision is better today than it was yesterday. But I feel somehow…I do not know…bereft?”
“Do you love Mr. Darcy, Lizzy? Do not overthink the question nor prevaricate. Do you love him?” Jane rarely pressed Elizabeth for anything, yet this time, she was insistent.
“I no longer hate him,” was her most honest reply.
“Well, that is a good start, I think.” Jane mused, “I wonder how he feels about you?”
“He has to hate me for refusing his offer, I suppose. But Jane, I just could not accept him. I have nothing to give him that he does not already have in abundance. I certainly respect him, as I already mentioned. Nonetheless, our acquaintance has had so many low moments that this one event might be the anomaly. I simply do not know him well enough to give him my affection. Mama told me that Mr. Bingley plans to hold a ball in two weeks. Papa insisted that I would not be healthy enough to attend.”
“Never give up hope, Lizzy.”
She wished she could be more like Jane, but to Elizabeth, hope never came easily. In their small circle in Hertfordshire, disappointment was far too common. She doubted she would ever see Mr. Darcy again.
4
March 1812 - Kent
In the spring, Elizabeth journeyed to her close friend’s house, the Hunsford parsonage, which was attached to the estate of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Mr. Darcy’s aunt. For five days, she had relative peace, watching Charlotte (née Lucas) oversee her household and Mr. Collins, her father’s cousin and heir, go about the business of shepherding his flock. However, the morning prior, Charlotte‘s husband rushed from his patroness Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s presence to announce that her two nephews, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam, arrived for their annual stay. According to Mr. Collins, Lady Catherine was convinced that Mr. Darcy would finally propose to Lady Catherine’s sickly daughter, Anne, resulting in celebrations that would be extended to encompass the great lady’s parson, his wife, and their guest.
Elizabeth scoffed. If she knew anything about Mr. Darcy, it was that nobody was going to tell him what to do. Had she not already tried and failed when she told him not to offer for her, and he did it anyway?Men!
Later that evening, Charlotte invaded Elizabeth’s chambers.
“Your distress with my husband’s announcement was obvious. What happened between Mr. Darcy and you in Hertfordshire, Lizzy?”
Elizabeth lay back on the colorful quilt. Closing her eyes, she recalled the events of autumn.
“You will think I am silly, I have no doubt, since you are my most sensible friend. Do you remember my accident during my stay at Netherfield Park when Jane was ill? What was not made known was that it was not a footman who found and rescued me when I fell. It was Mr. Darcy who carried me almost the length of the park.”
“Lizzy!”
“I know, Charlotte. Despite the fact that my fall was an accident and there was likely to be no expectation resulting from a compromise, he explained to Papa that he would do his duty as a gentleman by offering marriage to me.”
