In the store, I grab anything I can think of that Mom can eat without hurting her mouth.
Sandwiches, Jell-0 cups, and yogurts are the best I can think of, and I stock up on sweets and chocolates to help with her sugar levels. I grab shampoo and soap too.
When I step outside, I see my mom checking her reflection in the car mirror, tears streaming down her face.
Her hair sticks up in tufts, clumps of it missing. Her fingers running over it like it will help bring it back, but it’s the despair on her face that kills me.
“Hey,” I say brightly, handing her the bag of goodies. “Can you try any of that?”
Mom stares into the bag, nodding grimly.
“I’m sorry, Crane.”
My heart breaks.
Not just in half; into tiny pieces that shatter and splinter into my very core.
All she did was love him.
“Don’t apologize, Ma. Please,” I whisper, reaching over to take her bloodied hand in mine. “Let’s find a motel, and you can get cleaned up. Alright?”
Mom nods, her eyes glassy.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing; if Mom’s killed Dad, I’m an accessory.
To what, self-defence?
I should have called an ambulance for him, but I want him dead.
The guilt I feel for leaving her with him makes me want to repeatedly smash my fist into my own face.
I knew what he was like, and I left to play college kid.
Never again.
When we find a motel, I usher Mom into the bathroom, encouraging her to shower.
Mom stares at the shampoo, her eyes filling with tears.
“I don’t have any hair to wash, Crane.”
Fucking hell.
The lump that forms in my throat makes me want to smash the place to pieces. Mom looks at me like a child looks to a parent, and it’s all kinds of fucked up.
“You do. It’ll grow back. You’re beautiful, Ma.”
She closes the door, and I sink onto the bed, my eyes watering.
To think that while I was fucking Sierra and eating burgers, my mom was fighting for her life.
Never again.
I vow never to leave Mom again.
Sierra.
The pain in my chest is almost too much to bear when I think of her. Her beautiful smile, the excitement in her eyes when she saw me this morning.
