It feels like my life is spiraling out of control, and I’m helpless to stop it.
I exit the blocking screen and instead find his contact information, hitting delete because I can’t bear the thought of him being unable to reach me entirely. Then I open our text thread and delete that, too.
The finality of watching our history disappear makes my chest physically ache, but it’s better than the alternative. It’s better than making him disappear altogether.
“There,” I say, showing Ethan my empty messages in the hopes he believes I completely blocked him. “All gone.”
He smiles, wincing slightly as the movement pulls at his bruised face. “I know that wasn’t easy, but I promise it’s for the best.”
I force a small smile in return, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. He looks so relieved, so sure I’ve done the right thing—and yet the lie between us feels like a living thing, clawing at my insides.
Brandon isn’t gone. Not really. Not from my heart or my thoughts, but he might as well be, because I’m not sure there’s any coming back from here. I’m not sure there’s a way out of this where everyone wins.
And sitting beside Ethan, who’s staring down at me with trust in his eyes, I can’t help but feel the weight of the lie on my tongue. Nor can I shake the horrible truth—that it feels like I’m betraying both of them.
Chapter 19
BRANDON
“Fuck. I’m so hungry, I could eat a cow.” Chris stares at the menu, eyes bright as he pops a tortilla chip in his mouth.
“Coach worked us into the ground,” Damon says, draining his water glass in three swallows. “Not that you would know.”
I flip him the bird, and he smirks.
“All-in-all, a three-game suspension isn’t all that bad,” Jace says.
He’s right. Sitting the bench for three weeks and being banned from team training and conditioning sucks, but it could be worse. Much worse. Still, the lack of gym time with my boys is fucking killing me because I have no outlet for my frustration with Tatum.
“I guess I’m lucky he didn’t press charges,” I say, even though I don’tfeellucky.
“Not sure how you pulled it off, considering how much he hates you,” West says.
“Have you seen her yet?” Chris asks, lowering his menu.
Seen her? I haven’t even heard from her.
I pop a chip in my mouth, not trusting myself to speak as I shake my head in answer, because it’s been two weeks. Two fucking weeks since I saw Tatum last. Fourteen days of my texts left on Read and my calls unanswered. It’s to the point where I call just to hear her voicemail, and every second of silence carves out another little piece of my heart.
“She’s full-on ghosting you?” West asks, leaning back in the booth.
“Haven’t heard a peep from her since the day at Java the Hutt. It’s like she’s disappeared off the fucking planet. If it weren’t for her yellow bug parked in the student lot, I’d think she transferred schools already.”
“You looked for her car?” Jace asks.
“Hell yes, I looked for her car,” I snap. “I’m fucking dying here!”
“Have you gone to her room?” Jace asks, and I roll my eyes.
“Of course I’ve gone to her room. Every single time, her roommate says she’s out.” I shake my head, pushing past the lump in my throat. “She’s lying through her teeth; she has to be, but it’s not like I can do anything about it.”
And the thought she might be hiding inside while her roommate turns me away like some stray fucking dog, absolutely kills me.
I have no doubt she’s been spending her weekends with Ethan, but what about the rest of the week? Tatum has straight up gone AWOL, and I only have myself to blame.
She warned me not to go after him, but I didn’t listen.
Not that I regret it, because I’d do it again in a heartbeat just to teach that fucker a lesson.
