I clamp my mouth shut, nerves and heartache and anger mingling in a toxic combination to keep me silent.
Fuck, I’m an idiot.
“And you’re telling me he’s it?” I finally manage.
She purses her lips for a moment, her hesitation sparking hope inside my chest like flint striking steel—brief,bright, and dangerously eager to catch fire. Until the corners of her mouth hitch, and she says, “Yeah, I think maybe he is.”
Well, shit . . .
The silence stretches between us like a chasm as I dive in headfirst. My chest tightens until I can barely breathe, and I have to look away from her face—from those eyes that are shining with something I’ve never seen before. Something that isn’t for me.
“Brandon?” Her voice sounds distant, like she’s calling to me from across the building instead of right fucking here beside me. “Don’t worry about this now, okay? Let’s just focus on this semester.”
I nod, every muscle in my body tightening with the movement, unsure of what else to do.
“Anyway,” she says, her tone brightening. “What’s your news?”
My throat constricts as I force myself to meet her gaze. The words I’d rehearsed a hundred times on the drive over—the ones I longed to tell her—now taste like ash in my mouth.
How can I tell her I love her when she’s planning on leaving? When she’s clearly falling for someone else?
I stare at her expectant expression, her bright eyes waiting for me to share whatever earth-shattering revelation brought me to her door. The cruel irony isn’t lost on me—she thinks her news might change us, when really, it’s just confirmed what I already know: That I’m hopelessly in love with my best friend, but allI’ll ever be to her is a buddy, a pal. Just someone to pass the time with until the right onecomes along.
“It’s nothing,” I lie, forcing a tight smile that feels like it might crack my face. “Just some NFL scouts showing interest. Coach thinks I might have a shot at getting drafted if I keep my stats up.” Even though it’s not entirely a lie, it’s early days, and most certainly not the news I hoped to share with her tonight.
“Brandon!” Tatum’s eyes widen, and she punches my arm playfully. “Why didn’t you start with that from the beginning? Oh my god, that’samazing!” she says, flinging herself into my arms.
I close my eyes, the earthy notes of vetiver and rose engulfing me as I slowly wrap my arms around her.
My stomach twists with want so fierce, it’s almost painful.
I pull her closer, memorizing this feeling—the warmth of her body against mine, the softness of her hair brushing my cheek, the perfect way she fits in my arms.
“I’m so proud of you,” she whispers against my neck, her breath hot against my skin.
My fingers flex against her back, fighting the urge to tangle them in her hair and tilt her face to mine; to show her how I feel since I’m too much of a coward to tell her.
“Thanks,” I murmur, reluctantly releasing her when she pulls away. “It’s still early days.”
Her phone buzzes on the coffee table, Ethan’s name flashing across the screen.Of course.
I grind my teeth, trying my best not to snap when I say, “You should get that,” before standing abruptly.
I need to escape before I say something I’ll regret.
“What? Are you sure? It’s still early. We could hang out?” Her eyes search mine, concern creasing her brow.
“I’ve got an early practice tomorrow.” I back toward the door, hands shoved deep in my pockets so I can’t reach for her. “I should go.”
“Brandon, wait—” Tatum’s phone buzzes again, more insistent this time. Her eyes flick between me and the device, clearly torn between him and me.
“It’s fine.” I force another smile that feels like sandpaper against my teeth as I see myself out and spend five minutes pressed up against the frame, contemplating whether I should turn around and barge back inside.
“Fuck,” I mutter, turning to lightly rap my forehead against her door.
I stand there for a moment, eyes closed, listening for any sound that might indicate she’s coming after me. That she’s also standing on the other side of the wall, wondering what the fuck to do now.
But there’s nothing except the muffled sound of her voice as she answers his call, a reminder she doesn’t need me now, because she hashim.
