I die a little inside at the thought.
This friends with benefits thing had been my idea. My stupid, shortsighted idea. And now I’m paying the price.
“If you wanna go”?I hook a thumb toward the brunette, who’s hovering outside her car, injecting a lightness I don’t feel into my voice?“feel free. I don’t want to hold up your plans or cramp your style.”
Brandon’s smile fades. “What?”
“I saw you talking to her.” I give a little laugh, and lean toward him, instantly regretting it because he smells like clean skin and soap and cologne and I want to lose myself in him. “She’s gorgeous, by the way. Totally your type. So, I don’t blame you if you wanna, you know . . .” I offer him a cheeky wink, feeling like an idiot.
“No,” Brandon drawls. “I don’t know.”
“You know . . .”God, why is he making this so hard?“If you wanna leave with her.”
Brandon’s expression softens, and I know what he’s thinking. That he doesn’t want to leave me alone. But I can’t stand the thought of his pity. “Tate—” he starts, but I interrupt him, unable to listen to whatever it is he’s about to say, knowing it’ll only make the pain in my chest worse.
“Besides, I think I’m ready to get back out there, too. You know, date again. Maybe put some of my new bedroom skills to good use,” I say, barely avoiding another cheesy wink.
All the blood drains from his face like he’s seen a ghost, and for a moment, I think it’s something I said. Maybe the feeling is mutual and the thought of me with other guys makes him want to vomit.
But then a throat clears behind me, followed by a familiar voice calling my name, and I know it’s not what I said, but rather, the man standing at my back.
I turn to find Ethan standing there, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. His hair is longer than the last time I saw him, and he’s sporting a pathetic attempt at a beard thatdoes nothing for his boyish features. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched like he’s expecting a blow.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Brandon growls, his body still, radiating tension beside me.
“Um, can we talk for a minute?” Ethan asks me, his gaze flicking to Brandon.
Every cell in my body screams to say no. To tell Ethan exactly where he can shove histalk. But Brandon’s still watching me with an expression I can’t read, and the brunette is still hovering by her car, and I need an escape—any escape—before I completely fall apart and beg the man I’m in love with, who also happens to be my best friend, to love me back.
“Sure,” I say, my voice impressively steady. “I can give you a few minutes.”
Brandon’s hand catches my wrist. “Tate, you don’t have to—”
“It’s fine,” I cut him off, tugging my arm free. “Just . . . go ahead,” I say, flicking a glance toward the brunette. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
I follow Ethan a couple rows down, weaving through the parking lot past people still leaving the stadium.
“You look good,” Ethan says, rubbing the back of his neck as we come to a stop by his car.
“What do you want?” I cross my arms, determined not to give him an inch.
“I just . . .” He sighs, glancing back at Brandon. “I wanted to apologize. For everything. And to see if maybe we could try again.”
I almost laugh. After how he treated me, what on earth would make him think I’d give him another shot?
“No,” I say simply.
“Come on, Tatum. It’ll be different his time, I swear. Can you really tell me you don’t have any feelings for me? That you’ve moved on? Because I haven’t.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” I growl and rake a hand through my long locks, already annoyed with this conversation. “The truth is, when we were together, I was naive. I had stars in my eyes, and so I went along with a lot of stuff I normally wouldn’t have, just because I felt honored to be loved by you. I became a different person with you. One I didn’t particularly like, and you treated me like shit. You made me feel worthless, and gaslit me every step of the way. Not to mention how you took advantage of me when I was drunk.”
Ethan chokes. “Please tell me you’re not insinuating I—”
“It’s a pretty fucking gray area, Ethan,” I snap, pissed that he’s looking at me like I’m ridiculous. “No matter what, it was shitty of you. Especially considering how inexperienced you knew I was. But now I’ve realized what I want. And it’s nothing you can give me.”
The truth of it settles over me like a warm blanket—secure and comforting. Whatever power he once held over me isgone, replaced by something far more terrifying—my feelings for Brandon.
“Is it because of him?” The muscle in Ethan’s jaw flickers, and I don’t need to ask who he’s talking about.
