“That’s it,” he agrees, tone kinder than I’ve heard it in weeks. “You won, Mr. Gates. You have full custody of Parker Lewis, just the way your sister and brother-in-law desired.”
I nod, still feeling unbearably sad, but manage to convince my body into action, leveraging myself out of the chair.Loosen up that tie, Desy, take a breath, Victoria’s voice whispers into my ear, so welcome and beautiful that the tears almost succeed in falling. I loosen the tie.
William Jost looks at my parents, huddled at the corner of the lobby talking with their lawyer, and ushers me the opposite direction. Following him, I begin undoing all the buttons on my shirt I can without being arrested for public indecency. I’m clammy and cold, skin damp from sweat, even though I’m no longer burning up. Now, I feel like I’m coming down with the flu.
“A little advice?” Mr. Jost says, halting over by the windows, eyes flicking to the open neck of my shirt and the tie pulled loose enough to brush my clavicle.
“Okay.” I nod. Having already paid him for today, I suppose I might as well get my money’s worth out of the deal.
“I’ve been doing this a long time. I’ve seen all sorts—some worse than others. You have full custody of that kid now, which means you decide where he goes, when he goes there, and who he goes with. My advice, for your sanity and his, would be to stay far away from those two.”
I don’t even need the nod he tips in the direction of my parents. Nor do I need to look over to feel my mum’s eyes on us, doing her level best to prove “looks could kill” is more than an idiom.
“Yeah,” I agree tiredly. “I’d come to the same conclusion after mediation.”
He smiles, clapping me on the shoulder and adjusting the front of his suit. His tie is still cinched tight to his throat, I notice.
“Call me if you need anything.” He holds out a hand to shake. Having anticipated this, I’d wiped my palm dry on my pants.
“I hope I never have to talk to you again, mate.”
He chuckles and turns back the way we came. My parents are gone, and I can only hope they aren’t waiting outside to ambush me. It’s still hours before Parker is supposed to be done with school, but I’ve decided that the first thing I’m doing as his legally appointed guardian is to take him from school early. We’re going to go get some ice cream and sit on the beach. We’re going to text Jack and beg him to come over, because if I have to be alone today, I’m going to wish I was dead.
Stepping outside, I tip my head back and roll it back and forth a few times, stretching out my neck. I have to shield my eyes from the glare of the sun, slanting off the windows of the courthouse. It’s a beautiful, sunny day, completely at odds with the hellscape my insides feel like right now.
A flash of color catches my eye, and I squint into the light. There’s a red-haired man sitting on the brick half-wall surrounding the landscaping, broad-shouldered and pale-skinned. Even from yards away, sun obscuring my vision, I know who it is. That red-haired man ismyred-haired man.
I head his direction, feeling relief so profound my bones ache with it. When I get close enough to see clearly without my retinas being burned out, I notice Nate by his side. His face is turned toward Jack, mouth moving and handsgesturing as he talks. Probably feeling the weight of my eyes on them, he glances over his shoulder and I raise a hand in a small acknowledgement.
Standing up, Nate leans down, hand on Jack’s back as he speaks to him. Straightening, he looks back at me before walking off down the footpath, peeking over his shoulder before jogging across the busy street to his truck. Jack stands as well, turning and facing me. Even with the sun in my eyes, I can see the red flush of his skin. I’ve never wanted someone so badly as I do right now.
“Hi. Hey. I’m sorry,” Jack says immediately, once I’m close enough to hear. His eyes are wide, expression shy. “I know you told me not to come, but I just really thought… Nate offered to drive me, but maybe it was a bad idea. I’m sorry.”
I put a hand on his shoulder, stopping the flow of words.
“You okay if I hug you in public, Jack?” I ask him, watching as the tension visibly drains from his body. He nods.
I don’t throw myself at him so much as melt. If his arms hadn’t come around me immediately, I might have collapsed to the footpath. Propping my chin on his shoulder, I close my eyes. Jack doesn’t say anything, just tightens his hold and squeezes me into his chest. Swallowing down the urge to sob, I breathe in and out a couple times, thinking about Victoria.
“My sister is dead,” I whisper to Jack.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers back, gently rubbing his hand up my spine.
“Parker’s mine,” I add, and can feel the relief in his exhale. He strokes my back again.
“He is,” Jack agrees.
I stand there with him, only partially cognizant of where we are. We’ve been hugging far too long for two people in apublic place, but he’s warm and smells good. He came, even though I told him he didn’t have to. The breakdown that had been boiling to the surface in the courtroom recedes. My heart still feels heavy, but the burden is lessened with Jack here. I’m no longer lifting alone.
“I think I’m going to pick up Parker from school early,” I say, not fully breaking the embrace, but leaning back enough for me to see his face.
“Does he know that you were in court?”
“Sort of. I didn’t want to scare him. He wouldn’t have wanted to go to school if he knew that this was the big day.”
What I’d told him was that I had a meeting with the lawyers and his grandparents, which had felt far enough from the truth to be safe. Parker had thrown around the phrase “fighting in court” several times recently, and I wasn’t sure he actually understood what that entailed. Not wanting him to be sitting in school wondering how my fistfight with Grandma was going, I settled on “meeting” as the safest way to share with him.
“Can I come along, or…? You probably want to do something just the two of you, though,” Jack adds, blushing. Putting a hand against one of those warm cheeks, I lean in and kiss the other.
