“Thanks, Micah.”
We sit there in his empty apartment, surrounded by boxes full of his life, holding hands like we’ve done a thousand times before. And I realize with devastating clarity that nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change.
The despair that washes over me is so complete, so absolute, that I almost can’t breathe. This is my life now. Loving Micah Barrett from the sidelines while he breaks my heart over and over again without even knowing he’s doing it.
I stare at the wall, unable to see a solution. I’ll always want Micah—as long as I’m with him.
I blink. Maybe that’s the solution.
Maybe I need to leave.
CHAPTER 33
MicahBarrett
Saturday, December 12
The knockon my door wakes me out of a deep sleep. I glance at the clock, and I’m astonished to see it’s already almost noon. How could I have slept in that late? I stumble out of my bed and nearly trip over a box of books I left in the middle of the floor.
“Coming!” I call out, my voice still rough with sleep.
I pull the door open to find Tobias and Kiki standing there with matching grins. And behind them in the parking lot, I can see a truck loaded down with furniture.
“Surprise!” Kiki says, holding up a sack containing lunch from the burger place. “We brought reinforcements.”
“And actual furniture,” Tobias adds.
Skyler runs inside my apartment and around my empty living room.
I run a hand through my hair, knowing it’s sticking up everywhere. “You guys didn’t have to do this.”
“It’s no big deal.” Kiki brushes past me into the apartmentand sets the food on my kitchen counter, the only surface not covered in boxes. “I don’t want you sitting on the floor and eating cereal out of mixing bowls.”
“That’s not?—”
“I’ve learned it’s best to just say thank you,” Tobias says.
I shrug sheepishly. “Thanks, Kiki.”
Tobias grins at me. “Come on, let’s eat and then get started on getting everything up those stairs.”
We quickly eat, then the next hour is spent hauling furniture up the narrow staircase while Skyler climbs on each item we bring in. The couch requires all three of us and some creative angling to get it through my doorway.
“I thought you said this would fit,” Tobias grunts as we finally wedge it into place.
“I measured!” Kiki protests, though she’s laughing. “Mostly.”
The two chairs come next. They’re matching armchairs in a soft blue that Kiki insists will “brighten up the space.” I love them even though I didn’t think my apartment needed brightening. I’m just happy to have four walls and a roof.
Once the furniture is in, Kiki disappears back down to the truck and returns with bags from Target. “Plates, bowls, silverware, glasses, dish towels,” she announces, setting everything on the counter. “The essentials.”
“You really didn’t have to buy all this.” I’m overwhelmed by their generosity.
“Consider it a housewarming gift.” Tobias claps me on the shoulder. “Besides, I can’t have my little brother living like a feral raccoon. It reflects poorly on the family.”
Kiki swats his arm playfully. “What he means is we’re proud of you. This is a big step.”
Something warm and uncomfortable swells in my chest. I’ve spent so long being frustrated with Tobias, with his rules and expectations and constant hovering, that I forgot he’salso the guy who raised me when our parents died. Who made sure I had everything I needed even when he was barely an adult himself.
