“I’m fine,” I lie, the words muffled against her shoulder as I desperately try to pull myself together. I can’t fall apart right now. Micah needs me to be strong, to be supportive, to be his friend.
“You’re not still upset about River, are you?” Kiki pulls back slightly, her eyes searching my face with concern.
“No.” A lump forms in my throat, making it hard to speak. River seems like a lifetime ago, even though it’s only been days. He was never the problem. He was never going to be the solution either.
“Oh, sweetie.” Kiki squeezes my shoulder, her voice dropping to something soft and knowing. “Micah will come around. I know he will.”
My jaw drops, shock momentarily overriding my tears. “You knew?”
“Of course. Everyone knows you’re in love with him.”
Embarrassment sweeps through me like wildfire, and I know my face is flaming red, hot enough to burn. “Everyone?” The word comes out as barely a whisper.
“Everyone but Micah,” she says gently, like she’s delivering good news instead of confirming my worst nightmare. “But don’t worry. He’s got to figure it out soon.”
I want to sink into the floor. I want the earth to open up and swallow me whole. Is it that obvious to everyone that I’ve been pining for him? I must look like such a loser. Allthis time, I thought I was hiding my feelings fairly well, playing it cool, being the supportive best friend. Instead, everyone has been watching me make a fool of myself, probably talking about it behind my back, pitying poor Cricket, who’s hopelessly in love with a guy who will never see her that way.
Kiki loops her arm through mine, anchoring me when I feel like I might float away from sheer humiliation. “He’s in love with you too. I know he is. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
My heart sinks, heavy as a stone in my chest. “But he keeps telling me what a good pal I am. His bestie. Such a fantasticfriend.” The words taste bitter on my tongue. “I hate that word.”
She pats my arm sympathetically. “Youarea good friend to him. And someday you’ll be so much more. Relationships are best when built on friendship. Never think that’s a bad thing.”
I nod because I know she’s right, because I want to believe her, because what else can I do? But I’m so tired. Tired of waiting for him. Tired of being patient. Tired of pretending my heart doesn’t shatter every time he looks past me toward another woman, every time he writes a song about someone else, every time he calls me his buddy like it’s something to be proud of instead of a label that’s slowly suffocating me.
He doesn’t know it, but he’s killing me. One “best friend” at a time.
Kiki and I walk down the stairs together, my legs feeling like they might give out with each step. Outside, Micah and Tobias are trying to shove that last box into the trunk of his blue Honda, which is already packed to the brim.
“It’s going to fit,” Tobias says with determination, moving around boxes and bags like he’s playing the world’s most frustrating game of Tetris.
“I don’t think so.” Micah steps back and shakes his head, running a hand through his hair in that way that makes my stomach flip.
After another five minutes of Tobias removing and replacing boxes, shifting things at different angles, he triumphantly slams the trunk shut with a satisfied grunt. “There.”
Everyone claps. “Great job,” Kiki says, rising up on her toes to give him a quick kiss.
Micah turns to me. “Before I forget, this is yours.” He pulls an envelope from his back pocket and hands it to me.
The envelope is crisp and white, my name written on the front in his messy handwriting. I open it, unsure what to expect, my fingers trembling slightly. Inside is a check, and when I see the amount, my heart stutters to a complete stop.
Fifteen thousand dollars.
I stare at it, the numbers blurring and refocusing as my brain tries to process what I’m seeing. It’s made out to me, signed by Micah, with “Management Commission” written in the memo line.
Micah grins at me, his whole face lighting up with pride. “Congratulations. You’re officially my manager.”
My head spins, and I have to take a breath to steady myself, gripping the check like it might disappear if I don’t hold on tight enough. This is real money. Real, life-changing money. Money that represents freedom.
Kiki slings her arm over my shoulders, squeezing me tight. “Your first check. That’s awesome. What are you going to do with it?”
The words come out before I can even think about them, before I can second-guess myself or worry about the consequences. “I’m going to pay my own tuition.”
Micah’s eyebrows rise, surprise and something that lookslike respect flickering across his face. “Does that mean what I think it means?”
“What does it mean?” Tobias asks, looking between us in confusion.
I clear my throat and gather my courage, standing a little straighter. This is it. The moment I stop letting fear control my life. “I want to take English and writing classes, not marketing classes. If I pay my own way through school, then my father can’t demand I follow his path.”
