I fidget with my seat belt, not meeting his eyes. “Something is bothering me, but… ”
“Want to talk about it?”
I sigh. What am I supposed to say to him? I don’t know how to kiss? I’m broken, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me? “No. It’s just personal stuff. I don’t really know what to say.”
River rubs his thumb over the back of my hand. “Is this about Micah?”
I suck in a breath, and my gaze jerks to his. “What? No. Why would you say that?”
He gives me a sad smile. “I read your book last night.”
Heat flames up to my cheeks. “You did?”
River slowly nods. “I did. And I think I know what’s been bothering you. Your book… it’s about you and Micah, isn’t it?”
My throat closes up. “River, I?—”
“I get it. I really do. You have feelings for him. Anyone can see it when you look at him. And the way you talk about him—I’m not blind,” he says softly.
Tears spring to my eyes. “I’m so sorry, River. I like you. I really do.”
He takes both of my hands in his, which breaks my heart even more. “I know that too.”
“I don’twantto like Micah anymore. It’s honestly killing me.”
River reaches up and brushes a strand of my hair back from my face. “He doesn’t know how you feel, right?”
The tears come more freely now. I take my glasses off and set them on the dashboard. “He doesn’t see me as anyone other than a sister. He read my book, you know. He doesn’t see it’s about him, like, at all. He’s clueless. I’ve just liked him for so long, and I don’t think he’ll ever give me a chance.”
He cups my cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb. “I’m so sorry. I know how that feels. I had a crush on someone years ago who never returned my feelings. It’s heartbreaking.”
“I’m so sorry, River. I didn’t mean to hide my feelings for Micah from you. I was just trying to get over him. Trying to find happiness for myself. I wasn’t trying to use you.”
He nods and slides his hand down to my shoulder andgives it a squeeze. “I know, Cricket. You don’t have to explain. I get why you went out with me. Why you tried to hide your feelings from me.”
I wipe at my face, trying to get rid of all the tears. “I understand if you hate me.”
River laughs. “I don’t hate you.”
I grab my glasses and put them back on so I can see his expression more clearly. “You don’t?”
His smile widens. “I don’t. We had fun together. Didn’t we?”
“Yes.”
“I know you don’t have feelings for me, and that’s okay. I’d like to still do things with you. As friends. Is that okay?”
I think about it. I do like hanging out with him. “Okay. I’d like that.” I try to smile at him, even though a part of me is heartbroken. I thought River was going to be the way out of these feelings I have for Micah. Turns out, I can’t get out. I’m stuck where I am, and that feels sad and depressing.
“Thank you for telling me what was bothering you.” He takes my hand and lifts it to his lips before gently placing a kiss on my fingers. Just like Mr. Darcy would do. Like a gentleman. It breaks my heart even more because River was supposed to be my Mr. Darcy. But I know this is a good-bye kiss.
“I can still call you, right?”
I nod, even though my tears aren’t done falling. “Sure.”
“All right.” River squeezes my shoulder. “You going to be okay?”
“Yes.” I say it, even though I’m not sure I mean it. Everything is messed up.
