“Oh, this is nice,” he says, scanning a stand mixer that probably costs more than my car. “We’ll definitely need this for all our baking together, sweetheart.”
I hold in a giggle.
Micah shoots him a look that could kill. “Cricket doesn’t bake.”
“Then I’ll do all the baking when we’re married,” River says with a wink, and Diane actually sighs like it’s the most romantic thing she’s ever heard.
I glance at Micah, who looks like he wants to throw the mixer at River’s head.
“And china!” Diane exclaims, dragging us to the nextsection. “You simply must have a good china pattern. Something timeless.”
River picks up a plate that looks like it belongs in a museum. “What do you think, honey? The roses or the gold trim?”
“The gold trim,” I say, grinning at him and sliding my arm through his.
“Excellent choice,” Diane says. “Very classic. Your children will treasure these someday.”
Children?
River doesn’t miss a beat. “We’re already talking about names. Gip if it’s a girl and Thor if it’s a boy.”
I try really hard not to let out any laughter, but a single ha slips out. I press my lips together as River totally keeps his cool, not even a snicker.
Okay. Two can play at this game.
River hands me the scanner. “Want to pick out the crystal, honey?”
I take the scanner—and the challenge of trying to make him laugh. I start going crazy as I scan everything from crystal wine glasses to matching bathrobes. “His and hers!” I announce, holding up two fluffy white robes. “For lazy Sunday mornings.”
River’s facade doesn’t crack. He nods enthusiastically at me. “Perfect.”
“You two are precious,” Diane gushes. “I can tell you’re going to have such a happy marriage.”
I’m barely holding in my laughter. Behind us, I hear Micah make a sound that’s somewhere between a scoff and a growl.
“What about towels?” River asks, moving to the next display. “We need good towels, don’t we, darling?”
“Oh, yes.” I pick up a hideous fuchsia-colored one. “We should add these.”
River makes a small snorting sound before he quickly recovers and nods. “That color will go great with this shower curtain.” He holds up one with bright sea animals that kind of looks like the ocean threw up on it.
“Can we be done yet?” Micah asks.
“Oh, but we’re just getting started!” Diane says, walking to the next section. “We haven’t even looked at small appliances yet. Every couple needs a good blender, coffee maker, waffle iron…”
River grins at Micah. “Micah, what do you think? The twelve-cup coffee maker or the espresso machine?”
Micah glares at him. “I think this whole thing is stupid.”
“The espresso machine it is!” River says cheerfully, scanning it. “Micah’s right—go big or go home.”
I can tell that’s not what Micah meant, and from the way River’s grinning, he knows it too.
Diane continues leading us around the store, oblivious to the fact that we’re just trying to make each other laugh and not actually planning a wedding. River and I keep making jokes about “our future home” and trying to one-up each other on the most ridiculous items—salt and pepper shakers in the shape of toilets, a pineapple lamp wearing sunglasses, a doormat that says “Come back with tacos.”
“This is perfect for entertaining,” he says, scanning a whale-shaped cheese board. “For all our dinner parties.”
Micah sighs loudly. “You won’t have dinner parties.”
