The drive back to the house is long and harrowing.
Petyr hits the gas hard, which is no surprise. Our daughter’s there, waiting for us, with a psychotic aunt downstairs. The fact that Luka and Anya are there, too, is the only thing that’s keeping me sane.
That, and Petyr by my side.
He came for me.I almost can’t wrap my head around it.He believed in me. He saved me.
I reach over reflexively and cover his hand with mine. His fingers react instantly, a soft brush of knuckles over the gear shift.
“Thank you,” I choke. “For trusting me.”
His warm brown gaze flicks to mine. “You don’t have to thank me for that.”
“Yes, I do. I know that must have been hard, after…” I trail off. The pain of the present is too fresh to let me linger on the aches of the past. “I’m glad you could do that.”
“You’ve got it wrong,” he says. “It’s not that I could trust you. It’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else.” His eyes fix on me, honey brown with brushstrokes of gold, the color of whiskey in a glass. “You’re it for me, Sima.”
Emotion grips me hard. My throat feels raw, tight and dry around the frantic beat of my heart.
How did I get this lucky?
When we get to the mansion, he pulls into the garage and kills the engine, but doesn’t step out right away.
“Petyr?” I frown.
“I know you’re eager to get to Lilia,” he says carefully. “I am, too. But I’d like to get something off my chest real quick. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it later.”
Lilia’s presence in her crib is a steady pull, but I stay where I am. For Petyr to admit he needs something from me—it’s rare. Too rare. I don’t want to say no to him, not ever again.
“Of course,” I whisper.
He turns to me and takes both my hands in his. The warmth seeps into me fast. I hadn’t realized how cold I was feeling until I had Petyr’s hands to compare it to.
Just like I hadn’t known how lonely I was before he came along.
“I don’t like weakness,” he says. “Fucking hate it, actually. The possibility thatIcould ever be weak was drilled out of me early on. It’s not a good quality for a second-in-command. Dimitri needed a steady hand in the dark, and that’s what I was.”
My chest tightens. Every time I see Petyr commanding a room with his gaze only, it’s jarring to remember this wasn’t always hisrole. That he wasn’t born to it. He was raised to be something else. A tool. A supporting actor.
Just like I was.
I guess neither of us is good at staying in their lane, are we?
“But tonight, I felt weak,” he continues. “I was terrified. Scared half to death that I wouldn’t find you, or that I’d get there too late. That I’d never see you again.”
I shake my head. “That didn’t happen.”
“I know. But it could have.” His voice is low, raw. “And if it had, then I never would have gotten the chance to tell you how I felt.” He brings both my hands to his lips and presses a kiss to my knuckles. “But now, I have that chance, and I don’t want to waste it.”
I’m feeling a thousand things at once, but the one that stands out most is that warm core at the center of me. My heart, pounding like crazy.
For him.
“I love you, Sima.” His hand cups my cheek. “Ever since the first night I brought you back here, I’ve been in love with you. And I’m sorry it took me so fucking long to realize it.”
I can feel tears gathering in my eyes. When I blink, they fall. “I love you, too,” I whisper. “So much. I never thought—never dared—to hope I could find this one day. But thanks to you, I did.” I lean into his touch, soft and warm against my cheek. Real.Not-going-anywherekind of real. “I was so scared, Petyr. I thought Nikolai would hurt you. ThatI’dbe the reason you’d?—”
My voice cuts off. I can’t even bring myself to say it. It’s too painful to think about.
