“Sorry I’m late.” Grant sits across from me at the tiny table I scored when I got to the bar ten minutes ago. He pulls the bill of his hat low on his head, covering his shaggy brown hair that’s in desperate need of a cut. “I was playing video games with the guys. Kicked Liam’s ass to high heaven inHalo.”
“It’s cute how codependent you all are. Can’t even spend a night apart.” I squint at the feeble attempt of facial hair lining his cheeks and below his nose, the start of a hideous mustache that makes me cringe. “What the hell is on your face? It looks like an inchworm.”
“Whoa. That’s uncalled for, Han. I’m getting ready for when the team does Movember. We don’t shave for a month so we can raise awareness for men’s mental health, prostate cancer, and testicular cancer.”
“God.” I groan. “Now I feel like a bitch for making fun of you.”
“You could never be a bitch.” He flashes me a grin and flags down a server, asking for a seltzer water with lime while I put inan order for a white wine. “Good to see you, sis. What’s new in your life?”
“Besides pulling out of one of the biggest competitions of the year, getting trolled on social media, reading subreddits about myself that aren’t even close to true and contemplating what the hell I’m going to do with my future? I’m great.”
“Fuck. That’s heavy. Cheers.” He knocks his glass with mine when our drinks arrive. “You want to talk about any of that? You know I’ll listen.”
“I do know that, but I’ve given my therapist an earful these past two weeks. I’m fine. I promise. I’ve been…” I cross my legs, taking a beat to finish my answer. “I think I’m going to tell Bro—Coach Saunders that I want to work with his daughter.”
“Yeah?” Grant smiles my way. “That’s great news, Han.”
“I know I have zero coaching experience, but I’m wondering if I approach skating from a different perspective, I might be able to fall in love with it again. I’m sure there’s some psychological reasoning behind my recent dislike of the sport. Why I’m anxious every time I get on the ice, and coaching could be rewarding in a different way.”
“That’s some philosophical shit right there. I know I’m clueless about figure skating?—”
“That’s not true. Mom still has that picture of you wearing that full-body costume of mine you put on when you were younger.”
“If thatevergets published anywhere, I’m burning the city down.”
“But you were so cute in all those sequins.” I laugh. “What do you know about Coach Saunders’ daughter?”
“Olivia? She’s been to a few practices and I’ve seen her at games. More outgoing than Coach, but so is a wall.”
Except when he’s in bed. Then he won’t shut up.
I sip on my wine to keep myself from blurting out the intimate thought. “How old is she?”
“Uh. Fourteen? Thirteen? Old enough to have a cell phone. Young enough to not have a car.”
“Hm.”
“Hey.” He gives my shin a gentle kick under the table. “You’re contemplative over there.”
“I know how much skating meant to me when I was her age, and it’s brought me so many wonderful things in life—current athletic slump notwithstanding.” I set my glass down and sigh. “I’m going to have to step away from the sport one of these days. What good has my career been if I’m not inspiring the next generation?”
“You want to talk about inspiring? You’re already doing that, Han. When I was at your last competition, girls everywhere had ribbons in their hair like you wear. You don’t need gold medals to prove your worth.”
“Will people still respect me if I walk away? It’s not like I’m injured. I’m just unhappy.”
“Fuck what other people think. You want to retire? You can retire. You want to coach? You can coach. You want to go to beginner Learn to Skate classes and relearn basic moves? You can do that too. People love to talk shit, but until they know the burden you’re carrying, they shouldn’t be allowed to have an opinion. You don’t need a reason to walk away. Your happiness is enough.”
“Thanks, G.” I smile and reach across the table to knock the brim of his hat. “And beginner Learn to Skate classes? What the hell would I do there?”
“If that’s where you first fell in love with skating, maybe it’s where you could fall in love with it again.”
“That’s not a bad idea. Something to consider in my temporary hiatus.”
“How long of a break are you going to take?”
“Not sure yet. I told my coach I needed a couple of months off to find my focus. She agreed, but only because I wasn’t setting a good example for the younger skaters.” I snort. “And now I’m going to try and coach one? I’m in over my head.”
“No way. You’re going to do this, Hannah, and you’re going to do it well. Besides. Coach might be the king of hockey, but I bet he knows jack shit about figure skating. He’ll probably say all of your moves are perfect tens, even when you mess up.”
