I held the baby in one arm while I counted diapers. He was down to a handful. “You need to go to the store. She’s only got enough diapers to last another night. Where’s the rest of her stuff? And when’s the last time you changed her?”
“Ruby changed her before she left. I’ve got two cans of formula. That should last a long time, shouldn’t it?”
“You haven’t checked her diaper since Ruby left?” I immediately got up and spread a blanket down on the couch. “That was hours ago.”
“Ruby set up a space on my dresser if you want to do it there.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder, motioning to his bedroom.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been in a man’s bedroom, but it had been years. This wasn’t about me, though. “Fine. Show me.”
Cullen led the way to where Ruby had set out a changing pad on top of a hand-hewn dresser and stacked diapers in a drawer underneath. I laid Calliope down and put my hand on her chest to keep her from rolling.
“Wipes are here,” Cullen said, handing me a packet.
“You’re going to change her.” I moved out of his way while still keeping my hand on the baby. We were starting with tiny steps. I didn’t expect him to be able to hold her still and change a diaper at the same time.
His brown eyes met mine with a mix of panic and stubbornness. “I’d really rather you did it.”
“I bet. But you’re going to need to know how once I leave and it’s just the two of you here.”
His jaw tightened, but he didn’t step away. He unzipped the front of her pink sleeper, and his fingers fumbled with the tiny snaps at the bottom of her onesie. Calliope didn’t seem to care. She laughed as she reached for my hair. I gave Cullen instructions, one step at a time until he’d secured a fresh diaper around her waist and tucked her feet back inside her pajamas.
“Now go wash your hands and we’ll move on to how to mix her bottle. She’s probably hungry.” I carried Calliope to the kitchen while he cleaned up and tossed the diaper in the trash.
For the next several hours, I coached him through fixing bottles, warming up the small jars of baby food, and how to hold her like a person instead of a football. When she went down for a nap, I helped him clean up so he could start all over again as soon as she woke up.
I hadn’t expected him to pick up on everything so easily, but by the time her bedtime rolled around, he was securing diapers and burping her over his shoulder like a pro. He’d only gone through three shirts and a pair of jeans in the process. We gave her a bath in the kitchen sink before her final bottle, then I rocked her for a few minutes before setting her down in the pack ’n’ play Ruby had provided.
“What do I do when she wakes up?” Cullen asked after he’d pulled the door to his second bedroom closed.
“You keep going. Change her, feed her, burp her, and bathe her when she needs it. It’s a never-ending cycle.” I walked back out to the family room and picked my coat up from the couch.
“How am I supposed to work? I can’t exactly take her to the station with me.” He rubbed a palm against the back of his neck and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m not cut out for this.”
“She doesn’t need you to be perfect.” I don’t know what got into me that made me reach out and put my hand on his arm. “She just needs you to be there for her.”
Cullen lowered his head and stared straight into my eyes. I sympathized with him. He’d gone to work yesterday not knowing that by the time he got home his whole life would change.
“Did you have a good dad?” he asked, his voice low.
I bit down on my lip and let my hand fall away, unwilling to unlock the box of memories I had about my own childhood. “Not exactly.”
“Neither did I.” He hooked his thumbs on his belt loops. “I don’t know how to do this.”
My heart swelled. He sounded like he wanted to do the right thing. “I bet Ruby can help you find someone to watch her while you’re at work.”
“What about you?”
“Oh, I don’t think?—”
“I’ll pay you. Ruby said you’ve been renting Mr. Farley’s trailer down by the river. You can even save on rent and move in here. What do you say?”
I wanted to let him down easy. He didn’t think he was qualified to be a father, but he’d already spent more time with little Calliope than my own dad had spent with me. Based on my upbringing, I’d only learned what not to do when it came to raising a child.
“Just until I can find another solution?” he asked. Desperation laced through his tone.
“And you’ll pay me?”
“Yeah. Room and board plus whatever Ruby’s been paying you per week.”
