“And why’s that?” I asked, pulling away enough to be able to look up at him. “I know we’ve only been messing around for a couple of weeks, but are you planning on going public or am I just a secret you want to keep to yourself?”
His eyes narrowed like he wasn’t sure what I meant. “What are you talking about?”
“In town today. You acted like I was just the nanny.”
“But you are the nanny.”
“But is that all I am to you?” I crossed my arms over my chest, a pitiful way of trying to protect myself.
His forehead furrowed like he’d finally figured out what I was really asking. “Calla,”—he reached out to brush his thumb over my cheek—“you’re not just the nanny to me, baby girl.”
“Then what am I?”
“You’re… hell, you’re…” He pulled his hand back and shook his head. “I don’t know. Things are good between us. Do we have to put a label on it?”
My heart cracked in two. I didn’t expect him to get down on one knee, but I also wasn’t prepared for him to minimize the time we’d spent together like it was nothing. “Do you see any kind of future for the two of us?”
He swallowed hard. “I think there’s a possibility, but?—”
“But what, Holt?” He’d been burned bad by his ex. But he’d still let me in. Let me get close to him and Lane. And now he wanted to pretend like it didn’t mean a damn thing.
He shifted so he faced me on the couch. “Where’s this coming from? Aren’t you happy?”
“The program I ran last year secured funding. They want me back.” I wanted him to tell me not to take it. That he wanted me to stay in Hard Timber. That he wanted to build a life together.
Even though he hadn’t moved, the look in his eyes said he was miles away. “When did you find out?”
“Today.” Tears threatened, but I held them back. I didn’t want him to see me cry, to see how far and how fast I’d fallen for him.
“Sounds like an opportunity too good to pass up,” he finally said, his voice flat. “When do you need to go?”
“That’s it?”
“What do you want me to say, Calla? You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You can go anywhere, be anything you want to be. I’m not about to saddle you with the choices I’ve made.”
“So you want me to go.” My voice came out hard and strong even though I was shattering into a million pieces inside.
“I want you to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for me.” He reached out like he was going to touch me, but his hand stopped halfway between us and dropped to his lap.
“What makes you think that can’t be the same thing?” All he had to do was give me some sign that he wanted me to stay. I had so much of myself wrapped up in him and Lane that I was ready to turn down the job offer if he gave me any indication that he wanted me.
His jaw tightened. “You should go to Bozeman. Help those kids.”
I wanted to shake him by the shoulders and yell into his face. Instead, I got up off the couch and headed toward the guest room.
“Calla…” He got up and took a few steps toward me. Then Lane started screaming from his bedroom. Holt’s face fell.
“You should go to him.” Lane was his top priority and would always come first. That’s how it should be, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. But as Holt opened his son’s door and left me standing in the hallway, I wished with every fragment that was left of my heart that he would have cared enough to at least put me second.
CHAPTER 9
HOLT
She left. And the kicker was, I didn’t do anything to stop her. Being an incredibly generous person with the biggest heart, she’d even offered to continue to watch Lane until the end of the summer. I couldn’t let her do it though. It would be too hard to have her back in my house, sharing my space. Not after I’d killed everything special between us.
Lane’s night terrors were back. My sister had stepped in to take care of him for the next couple of weeks, but she didn’t know how to help. Jessa did her best, but Lane missed Calla. Hell, I missed her too. She’d left a hole in our hearts the size of a giant asteroid. Even bigger than the one that was said to cause the dinosaurs to go extinct.
And it was all my fault.
