She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down on it. “I’m falling for you too. Can’t we find a way to stay together? You and the kids can come visit and we can camp up at Moreau Lake. It’s so beautiful in the fall.”
“And then what? We come visit you, then you come visit us? And eventually we realize it’s too hard so after you’re fully entrenched in Wren and Eli’s lives, we break up and they’re shattered?” I wouldn’t do that to my kids. They’d already losttheir mother. I couldn’t watch them let Delaney in and then try to pick up the pieces again when she gave up on us for good.
The tears slid down her cheeks as she stared up at me. “It wouldn’t be forever. There are tons of parks in New York, you could?—”
“This is my home. I’m not willing to rip my kids away from the only place they’ve known to take them somewhere they don’t have family.” Technically they didn’t have blood relatives in Tennessee, but I had my friends. We’d been there for each other through everything, and they were more like family to me than the flesh and blood relatives I’d never even met.
“Then where do we go from here?” Her shoulders sagged in defeat.
“I think you should go home, Delaney.”
“That’s probably a good idea. I’ll go back to the cabin tonight so we can both get some perspective. Maybe we can talk about this tomorrow, or?—”
“No.” I shook my head and resisted the urge to reach out and brush her tears away. “I think you should go back to New York.”
She blinked rapidly, like that sentence physically knocked her off balance. “So that’s it? One hard conversation and we throw it all away?”
When I didn’t respond, her hands clenched into fists.
“What about camp? I asked Wren to draw a new park map that we can print out for visitors, and I told Eli I’d teach him how to tie a lure before summer is over.”
I might have been a fool to trust her with my heart so easily, but I’d protect my kids however I could. Even if that meant sending her away. “I’ll finish camp. If you stay, they’ll just be more devastated when you leave.”
“So, you don’t even want to try? You want me to pack up and slink away in the middle of the night? What about us?” There was hurt behind her anger, but I wouldn’t let myself feel it.
“You’ve made your decision, and I’ve made mine.” With my heart tied in knots, I got up from the couch and walked toward the door.
“You’re impossible, Jace. We can figure this out.” She reached for me, but I twisted away.
“Goodbye, Delaney.” I pulled open the door and waited for her to go.
She stood in the doorway, her chest heaving and tears streaking down her cheeks. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t want to fall in love with you.”
I didn’t say a word, but my body betrayed me. My jaw clenched tight enough to crack a molar and my hands curled into fists. I wanted to stop her, to beg her not to go, to tell her I was scared of getting hurt again. Instead, I just stood there like a fucking coward.
“But I did.”
And then she was gone.
Days passed. The kids moped around the house and battered me with questions about why Delaney left. I didn’t know what to tell them except she’d found another job and had to start right away. Admitting I was the one who told her to go would give them way too much ammunition to use against me and I wasn’t sure I’d survive.
I went through the motions at work, trying to balance running the day camp with all my other responsibilities. We got back to the house late every evening, then got up the next day and did it all over again.
Not even poker night had the power to pull me out of my funk. I told the guys I couldn’t make it. First, I said Wren wasn’t feeling well and the next week I told them I had an emergency atthe park. They didn’t believe me, but they didn’t call me on it. At least not yet.
It was Mama Mae who finally got through to me. After I let her call go to voicemail for the third day in a row, she called the park office and Janice put her through without telling me who was on the other line.
I was sitting at my desk, trying to wolf down my lunch while the kids and I cut butterflies out of felt for one of Ranger Rhonda’s planned activities. Wren had been complaining all morning that she hated camp now, or in her words, “it sucked.” Eli was on a hunger strike until I taught him how to tie a fly and took him fishing.
“District Park Ranger Ramsey here. How can I help you?”
“Jace.” Mama Mae didn’t have to say anything else. The tone of her voice told me she knew something was wrong and she wasn’t going to give up until I filled her in on exactly what was going on.
“Hi, Mama Mae.” I even smiled as I said her name, trying not to let my bad mood seep into my tone, but it was no good.
She clucked her tongue. “You haven’t returned my calls. What’s going on?”
“Are you calling about our upcoming trip?” I wasn’t looking forward to it, but at least I’d get to spend some time with her and a few of my foster brothers while the kids visited my ex’s parents in a few weeks. I still wasn’t excited about the trip, but Delaney made me realize I wasn’t going to lose my kids over it.
