She was right. Back then, all I cared about was escaping the predestined future my dad had laid out for me. If she’d called me out of the blue and told me she was pregnant with my kid, I would have felt trapped. But I’d grown so much since then. Now I wanted to do the right thing. I got down on one knee in front of her and pulled the thick silver band off the ring finger on my right hand.
“You’re right. I didn’t deserve to know back then, but now that I do, I want to be part of Oliver’s life. I want to be part of your life. Let me take care of you, Sammy. Let me get to know our son.” I swallowed my apprehension and plowed ahead. “Will you marry me?”
CHAPTER 10
SAMMY
“Marry you?”My hand flew to my mouth, but it was too late. A sharp bark of laughter escaped through my lips. I didn’t mean to laugh, but did Juice really think that he could drop to a knee, propose, and erase the past with a silver skull ring?
He got to his feet and jammed the ring back on his finger. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I don’t want anything.” That was a lie. There was one thing I’d always wanted from Juice, but he’d never been able to give it to me or anyone else. I wanted his heart… for him to love me, not as a friend, but as a soulmate.
He paced back and forth in front of the couch, his hands funneling through his hair. “I get why you gave up looking for me. If you’d told me back then that you were pregnant, I wouldn’t have handled it well.”
“You would have freaked the hell out,” I said. “Just like you did after the night we spent together.”
He stopped and looked down at me. “I didn’t freak out about that.”
“Then why did you leave without even saying goodbye?” If he wanted to get everything out in the open, I was more than willing to go there with him. “I think after everything we’d been through together, I deserved more than a note.”
“I told you I’d been offered a spot with that touring company.” His jaw tightened as he dropped back into the chair. “School obviously wasn’t working out for me, so I decided to pursue the one thing I seemed to be good at.”
My heart softened. He’d always doubted himself. “You’re good at a lot of things.”
“Yeah, well most people didn’t care about taking the time to get to know that. As long as I smiled and took off my clothes, they were more than happy to shove dollar bills down my pants.”
When we met, Juice told me he worked at a club on the weekends. It wasn’t until sophomore year that I found out the club was a bar that featured male strippers. A girl in my dorm dragged me there to see for myself. Juice was very good at what he did at that club. So good that as he started making more and more money, he spent less time on his homework and more time on the stage.
“So why aren’t you still performing?” I asked.
“Because I realized I wanted more out of life.” He glanced over at me, his eyes full of truth. “I got caught up in it for a while. Up until then, no one ever thought I’d be good at anything. Seeing my name in lights, dancing upon that stage while women screamed my name… it was enough for a while.”
I felt for him. It always seemed like he had a hole in his heart that could never be filled. All that love he missed out on as a kid left him with a deep, hollow ache in his soul.
“What changed?”
He lifted his head. “I smartened up. Those women didn’t want me. They wanted what I represented. It didn’t matter if I was the one straddling their lap and shaking my dick in their face or if it was another one of the guys. They just wanted to cut loose and feel wanted for a night.”
I captured my bottom lip with my teeth. “So, you quit and moved back to Montana?”
“Yeah. I figured you were long gone, building schools or delivering vaccines to kids halfway around the world. I felt bad about the way I left things between us, but knew you were better off without me. Still, I wanted to be close to where I’d spent the best years of my life. That’s why I came back to Montana… because it reminded me of you.”
The back of my throat prickled, and a new wave of tears threatened. “I was in Silver Creek the whole time. When I found out I was pregnant, I dropped out of school. Then my mom’s diabetes ramped up, and I had to take over the cafe. I did try to find you, though, at least at first. I was so scared.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Juice moved over to the couch and pulled me into his arms. “I’d give anything to go back and change it. I want to know my son, Sammy.And even more than that, I want to get to know you again.” He reached up and cupped my cheek with his palm.
I hadn’t felt a man’s touch since the night Juice and I spent together. I nuzzled into his hand, not trusting myself that he was really there, actually saying those things.
“I want to make it up to you if you’ll let me.” His finger traced the path of the dried tears on my cheek. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
He might have been saying it just to be nice or make me feel a tiny bit better, but I didn’t care. It had been forever since someone had looked at me as something other than a waitress, a daughter, or a mom. I leaned into him, tipped my head back, and immediately got lost in the depths of his hazel eyes.
His other hand came up to sandwich my cheeks between his palms. His eyes searched mine, looking for encouragement. “I don’t want to fuck this up, Sammy. Tell me what you want.”
“Just kiss me.” I closed my eyes and put him in control.
I expected his mouth to crash into mine, for him to immediately slide his tongue past my lips and remind me of the magical night we’d shared. Instead, his lips brushed the corner of my mouth, so soft and gentle that I wondered if I’d imagined it.
