1
Emma
Is this all that I am?
I touch the pen to my lips, gazing out the schoolroom window. It’s thrown wide, admitting a pure, sweet, blossom-touched spring breeze. The kids are gone for the day, their empty desks lined up in rows before me. But before I walk home, I want to get down this thought.
It’s not a poem—not yet. It’s a ponderance. A question. A notion.
I touch pen to paper.
Is this all I was to you?
The words are lonely and terrible, scraped from a deep, raw place within me. I lay the pen down and sit back, savoring the splash of sunlight that falls off my desk and into my lap. Gingerly, I press both palms to my belly.
Flat. No, worse—empty. I can hear Trevor’s words still, even though it’s been over six weeks since he broke off our engagement.
I’m sorry, Emma. But we’ve wasted enough time trying.
Tears burn in my eyes. If I’d gotten pregnant like we wanted, like we’d been trying for for so long, Trevor would still be here. There’d still be an engagement ring on my finger, and a wedding set for the end of summer.
But now, because of me, it’s all gone.
“Oh, God, Emma. You lookdismal.” Lilly Claire, fellow teacher and lifelong best friend, observes me from the open classroom door. Her long blonde waves catch the breeze, and she appraises me with sparkling blue eyes. “Are you writing poetry? Again?”
The humor in her voice, despite everything, brings a smile to my face. I roll my eyes and close my notebook, packing up my bag. “You act like it’s some kind of sin.”
“Sin? You? Come on. You are quite literallythemodel citizen.”
I meet her at the door, warmed when she wraps an arm around my shoulder. “I’m OK, Lil,” I say seriously. “I swear.”
“I know you think that. And that’s totally fine, babe.” Lilly leads me out into the dazzling sunlight. “But as your best friend, I can’t let you say you’re OK, then go home and mope and write poetry all night.”
Oh. No. I realize where this is going. “No, Lilly, I’m not ready—”
“It’s been six weeks, Em. Sixweeksyou’ve been hiding your face from the whole damn town, letting Trevor parade all over the place like he didn’t do anything wrong. No more. It’s Friday night, and we are going out.”
Everything in me goes cold and skittish. Waterford, Scotland is a town about as big as a postage stamp. If we go out tonight, to one of only three local pubs, we’re almost guaranteed to run into Trevor.
And worse—his new girlfriend.
“Lilly,” I plead. “I can’t.”
“Look.” She stops when we reach the teacher parking lot, and grabs me gently by the shoulders, her familiar eyes piercing into mine. “I know you feel like your life is over. But Emma, it’s just starting. OK? I have a feeling.”
I bite my lip. “A feeling?”
“Yes. I have a feeling that tonight your whole life is going to start again.”
I smile sadly. I know she’s just saying whatever she thinks I want or need to hear, but something about those words really does resonate with me. A little spark of hope, or want, or even desperation, awakens in my heart.
“OK,” I finally concede. “One drink. And if we see them—”
“If we see them,” Lilly says, her eyes blazing, “I will personally punch them both in the face.”
I grin. Then jolt. “Wait. Lilly. It’s been so long—I mean, I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Oh, please.” She winks, trouble in her voice. “I can help with that.”
