Her entire being stilled as if caught in an invisible snare, held in thrall to intense ice blue eyes that dared her to look away, to refute the veracity of his words. He wanted the truth? He would have it. “What if it is? Surely, you can see the parallel.”
“What parallel?”
“Between you and Percy.”
Incredulity spread across his face. “Not a single similarity exists between Percy and me.”
“No?” Cold steel wrapped around her heart and braced her for the words she must speak. “Percy withheld facts from me.Youwithheld facts from me. How are you any different?”
She knew how in so many ways, but she couldn’t let that knowledge see light. It might grow roots and undermine her purpose.
“I had—”
“Your reasons?” she interrupted. “Of course. And I understand them, truly I do, but lovers, husbands,menalways have their reasons. It’s the prerogative of your sex. It places you above the women in your life and makes them less than equal. I shall never place myself in that position again.”
“I’ve told you that I seek a partner.”
No wife of mine will ever be subject to such a marriage.
She gave her head a clearing shake. She mustn’t lose focus. “I believe that you believe your words, but they can’t be true. The fact is you are a man, and I can never know you truly.”
“You know exactly whoIam. Not as a representative of my sex, butme, Olivia. This conversation isn’t about generalities, but aboutus.”
“I thought that about Percy. Then we married. The truth is—”
“The truth is,” he interrupted, “you don’t trust your judgment when it comes to love.”
Her gut twisted and sank to her feet. She’d uttered similar words to him two nights ago on that magical rooftop. Now he was throwing them back at her. She deserved them. “I’ve been wrong before.”
“But we aren’t speaking ofbefore. This isnow.”
“Can’t you see? The stakes are too high to be wrong. What of the stepmother Mina needs?”
“Don’t throw Mina at me. That is pure evasion.”
Chastened, Olivia allowed the steel around her heart to release. He was right. Using Mina was an avoidance. “We are quite a pair of damaged goods, aren’t we? We both have sound reasons for swearing off love. Why can’t you leave it?”
“Is it so easy for you?” he asked.
“Easyisn’t the right word. Nothing in life is easy. Consider the price if we fail.”
“Olivia, is there a price too high?”
The gently spoken question hung in the air for a moment. It was the sort of moment that could go either way. To answernowas an undeniable temptation. But to answeryeswas the more rational option. “I’ve done a fine job of avoiding that price these last eleven years until—”
“Until?”
“Until you came along,” she admitted. The admission needn’t change the outcome of this conversation. “But it’s too late for us. You see how capricious the universe can be?”
“You’ll never start truly living until you trust yourself and let your fear die.”
The compassion of those words threatened to deplete the last shreds of resistance left inside her. Her feet carried her past him and around the stone bench until they found the patch of grass bearing her imprint. She folded herself down into the spot and leaned against the bench.
There were a few angles from which to view the wordliving. It could describe the basic functioning of the body: blood pumping through veins; muscles contracting; brain processing. Or it could describe the very heights of human existence. Totruly livemeant to take life beyond its basics, to seize hold of it without a plan for the next step.
One had to risk all totruly live. One had no room for fear in such a life.
The air swirled around her as he settled onto the ground beside her. Her next breath caught the soft heat of his body and took it deep inside. It was a perfect breath. She closed her eyes and held it inside for as long as her lungs would allow. She would hold it inside forever if she could. Salty tears pinpricked the backs of her eyelids. Oh, that they, too, would stay inside forever.
