Crying for the pain her brother must have suffered at the hands of their father to change him so.
Tenderly, she felt his hand in her hair and the soft press of a kiss on her forehead.
“I wish I had a handkerchief,” he murmured. “You were always a messy crier.”
She elbowed him in the ribs without any real force.
“Ow,” he said anyway.
“You were always such a b-baby about pain.”
He snorted. “Only because it annoyed you. Here, use my shirt to dry your tears.” He handed her the long tail of his shirt.
She obliged.
“If you l-love me, as you claim, then why have me k-kidnapped?” she asked, still sniffling.
“Because if I had sent a polite letter, you would have tossed it into the fire. Idoknow you.” He jostled her.
Allie stilled.
He was right, of course.
Shewouldhave spurned him.
“Well, you could havetried,” Allie countered, voice perhaps a little too plaintive.
“I know now that I should have.” A heavy sigh left him. “It’s just . . . I assumed you hated me after that business with Father and would react accordingly.”
Again, he was correct.
Shehadhated him for that.
“Why did you do it then? That ‘business with Father’? Why side with our sire after Mamma died? Ordering me home like you did, betraying my location to his hired henchman? That was . . .” She bit back tears again. “That was so cruel, Tristan. It still hurts me.” She pressed the heel of her hand to her sternum, as if to ease the ache there.
“With all of my heart—though it is woefully inadequate as you have claimed—I am sorry, Allie.”
“You promised me! You promised that you would come for me. And then when I reached out, you abandoned me to an uncertain fate!”
“Hush. It wasn’t me. Not entirely. Father monitored my post, even at Oxford. He forced me to write that letter to you. He watched everything I did and said . . .”
“You could have donesomething, Tristan. You’re too intelligent to be that helpless.”
“Berate me if you must. Hate me, too.” His lungs deflated. “I don’t think you can despise me any more than I despised myself after sending that letter.” She felt him swallow. “He was so cruel, Allie. He thrived on hurting me, on finding any small weakness to exploit. I just didn’t . . .”
No need to clarify whohewas. “I know. I remember.”
“Father became worse after you left. Angrier. Harsher. More determined to regain everything he had lost after his bigamy was exposed. He controlled my every move, allocated every penny I spent. There was simply no way to reach you. Not without him knowing. And if he had understood how I cared for you, he would have used your safety as a bargaining chip. Yes, I abandoned you. But at the time, I reasoned that you were safer outside of Father’s purview. Or perhaps . . .” He let out a shuddering breath. “. . . after so many years suffering at the hands of his malice, I simply hadn’t the courage to fight him head-on. Compliance was easier.”
They breathed in silence for a few moments, lungs rising and falling in harmony.
Allie chewed on her bottom lip, trying to accommodate everything Tristan was telling her. She had never considered that their father would have used her safety as a bludgeon to bruise Tristan. But now, she could see clearly how that would have been the case.
“The day after Father died, I hired investigators to find you,” Tristan continued. “I never forgot my promise, and they did eventually track you down. But I was . . .” He swallowed hard again. “I guess . . . I was a coward. I feared that even if I asked, you wouldn’t come back to England. I knew how badly my rejection must have wounded you, and your hatred of me was certainly justified. But I simply couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t bear knowing you were out in the world—alone, in danger, and refusing my help. And I suppose I have, to an extent, learned the ways of our sire. If I want something—even a person—I possess the power to take it.”
She elbowed him again. “Then why not tell me all this when you kidnapped me, you idiot?! Why deposit me at Hawthorn for nearly six months without a word? Why these past weeks of combative words and commands?”
“You haven’t exactly been the warm, affectionate sister of my memory,” Tristan replied on a sigh. “And I did try. I asked if you wanted to be allies the night of Lord Aberdeen’s soirée, remember? But I thought my actions had irreparably destroyed any regard you may have ever held for me. Enduring your disdain became my penance. All your comparing me to our bastard of a father didn’t help.”
