“I wouldn’t mind that,” he countered. “Say the word. I’ll be yours.”
Another hushed moment passed between them.
She didn’t back up.
He didn’t move forward.
They remained in the tight stairwell, practically nose to nose.
“I have never been shy to reach for what I want,” she finally replied. “But you wish for the impossible. For me to trust you. To be youranima gemella.”
Ethan mentally searched for the translation.
“A soul twin?” he asked. “Aye, I hadn’t thought of it like that, but yes. I do wish it.”
She was shaking her head before he finished. “I can’t. I won’t. I don’t think such trust exists anymore within me. It has been fractured too thoroughly.”
“Do ye truly believe that, lass?” He paused, tilting his head toward her. “Or is it that other men have bruised and tarnished your trust? Such wounds can be mended with time and care.”
“Perhaps. But I struggle to find the will to do so. And even if I did, what would come of this, Ethan?” She motioned at the hairsbreadth of space between them. “Kendall has made his position clear. He is one of the most powerful men in Britain. If he decides to destroy you, hewilldo so. After suffering under the heavy hand of two Dukes of Kendall myself, I could not bear to bring such cruelty upon a friend. And so I recognize that Charswood is my best hope for the life of freedom and security I seek. I didn’t lie about being a realist.”
“Aye, that ye are. But why not give optimism and trust a go for once? Indulge in a wee bit ofcarpe diem,as it were. Make more friends. Embrace your name and beallegra—happy. Ye were born for happiness, I ken. Recognize that, if ye are set on marrying Charswood, ye may only have this small space of time to experience the joy of fully living.”
“That is the poet in you speaking.”
Nae, Ethan thought in reply,that is the romantic in me speaking.
His words were sincere—she deserved every happiness, to be encircled by friends. But mostly, he longed for more time with her—days and weeks where he could attempt to win Lady Allegra Gilbert’s heart for himself. Was such a thing even possible?
“There is something to be said for ‘drinking life to the lees,’” he said.
“Quoting Mr. Tennyson now, I see. You’re not even scavenging your own original writings.”
“Yecantrust me, lass.”
Her wide gray eyes stared into his for so long, Ethan wasn’t sure she would answer.
Finally, she licked her lips. “Sometimes a wound is too deep to ever heal.”
“Allie—”
“I’ll think upon it.”
She swayed slightly toward him . . .
. . . and then took a forceful step back.
“I shall see you at breakfast,”—a pause—“Ethan.”
Turning sideways, she pushed past him in the narrow stairwell, her body pressing fully against his for the most exquisite second.
Ethan stood stock-still, heart a hammer in his throat as he watched the train of her skirts disappear up the stairs, the scent of her perfume resting on his tongue.
17
The remaining three days of the house party passed in a blur of activity.
Allie took long walks with Lady Isolde (to Kendall’s endless annoyance), played chess with Lord Charswood (to Kendall’s ecstatic approval), watched guests swoon and laud Ethanad nauseum(to Allie’s irritation), and listened to Aunt Whipple’s gossip with her friends (to Allie’s delight).
