“It’s been . . .” He huffed a disbelieving laugh. “I don’t know how tae explain it. I feel proud and excited and terrified all in the same breath. Part of me feels that if I talk about it, I will curse it all somehow.” He shook his head. “I’m probably not making sense.”
“Nae.” Malcolm fixed his brother with a soft look. “I ken your thinking. It must be akin tae how I feel about becoming a father soon. I imagine publishing a book and having a child are not as dissimilar as one might suppose.”
Fox nodded. “One is a child of the body while the other is a child of the mind.”
Still blushing, Ethan rummaged through the basket of food the cook and Leah had packed for them, pulling out baps and cheese.
Malcolm lifted the cooked salmon off the fire. “Regardless, I’m right proud of ye, Ethan. Chuffed even. Ye are a credit to us all.”
Ethan’s blush climbed higher, but his answering grin was pleased.
Wind rustled through the pines lining the river and sent the flames of the fire dancing.
“We should celebrate.” Fox nudged his chin toward the food hamper. “Please tell me there is some whisky in there.”
Ethan rifled through the basket and shook his head. “After last night’s excesses, our sister must have wanted to curtail our exuberance.”
“Aye. But fishing without whisky just isnae Scottish.” Malcolm sighed. “I love our Leah, but she can be a wee bit managing.”
Fox felt a brief sting from the offhand comment. Brothers or no, he couldn’t permit anyone to slander Leah. “I appreciate her managing. It means we actuallyhavefood to bring fishing.”
“Aye,” Malcolm nodded, “but my sister spends her life living outwardly—caring for others and ensuring they are protected, even from themselves.”
“Hence, no whisky,” Ethan mourned. “I could do with a wee bit less caring sometimes.”
“’Tis Leah’s way, I fear. She cannae help it,” Malcolm grunted. “She would allow her own self tae wither and die in the service of others. But ironically, she willnae see to caring for herself.” He fixed Fox with an all-too-seeing look. “I fear our Leah struggles tae understand one simple fact: ye cannae help another—ye cannae reach outward—without first shoring up your own inward foundation. Someone needs to insist she care for herself, as well.”
Fox barely refrained from squirming under the weight of Malcolm’s implied censure.
Ethan lifted his eyebrows. “You’re waxing verbose today, Malcolm. I should let ye take me fishing more often.Shore up the inward foundation. . .” he repeated, voice low. “I quite like that. May I use it?”
“Of course.” Malcolm waved a hand. “Knowing my sister as I do, I came prepared.” He pulled a large amber bottle from his knapsack. “The manly ritual of fishing will not be overset today.”
Fox chuckled.
The men dug into the food, eating the fish with their hands, and drinking some excellent Glenfiddich whisky.
But Malcolm’s words continued to ring in Fox’s head.
She willnae see to caring for herself.
How had Fox not perceived this? It was so obvious once pointed out.
Leah never opened her mouth to say what she needed. Had Fox ever heard one iota of complaint from her? He didn’t think he had.
When something needed doing, she swallowed her personal wishes and set to, serving others. Fox greatly admired her for it.
But her giving heart was a double-edged sword.
She and Fox were both trapped in their own way.
Fox, by the betrayals and shattering pain of his past.
Leah, by her own selflessness, by a past that told her she was not valued unless she was useful.
Both of them clung to their deceptions.
And yet, Fox wasn’t sure he could force himself to realign his thinking. To conceive that he could trust another enough to let love into his heart. Or believe he could help Leah understand she needed to begin caring for herself as much as others.
