The external cacophony of sight and sound reflected the riot in Eilidh’s chest.
Kieran’s comments would not let her be.
I dinnae want a crumb of our love. I dinnae want a ghost of our love. I want the whole brightness of it. And if I cannae have that, then I want to be free.
The words had landed with the force of Ewan spinning the chained stone round and round before sending it soaring.
She hadn’t needed to ask Kieran,free to do what?
She knew the answer—he wished to be free to find that bright love with someone else.
Someone other than her.
The thought . . . burned.
It was acid, churning her stomach and flaring an emotion that felt suspiciously close to jealousy for a woman who did not yet exist.
Eilidh had spent the past several weeks believing that the person she once was—the woman Kieran loved—no longer existed.
But with jealousy burning acidic green in her chest, she wasn’t so certain. Her past self felt suddenly more real and bound to Kieran than any future woman could ever be.
And so, she had taken the wedding ring on its chain and hung it around her own neck, tucking the gold into her decolletage.
It was the height of absurdity.
To be with Kieran meant risking remembering everything. It meant a terrifying free-fall into memory and sensation and a morass of confusion.
Things she did not want, right?
What had Kieran said?
We are what we want. So I ask ye—what do ye want?
Whatdidshe want?
The question rattled through her brain as she sampled the clootie dumpling with Simon and helped Lady Aster and Lady Rose judge the scarecrow contest.
What do ye want?
The question pulsed like a chant as she sightlessly watched Ewan easily win the caber toss—throwing a fully-grown tree end over end—and listened to Simon swap parish horror stories with the local vicar.
The festival spun past in a dizzying burst.
“Are you feeling poorly?” Simon touched her elbow. “You seem rather distracted, my dear.”
She pasted on a smile. “I am well. Shall we check on your mother?”
Sweet, dear Simon.
He didn’t know her well enough to understand why she had withdrawn.
Kieran, of course, would have understood immediately that her emotions were in turmoil.
Not that she saw much of Kieran.
His only other words to her that morning had been: “I’m not sure I’m strong enough tae be near ye anymore, lass. So pardon me if I’m aloof. Besides, I know what Ewan has arranged for this evening, and I intend tae keep my distance.”
Eilidh wasn’t sure what to make of that last bit. She knew Ewan had planned something to honor the birth of Lady Dahlia. It was to be a grand surprise for the villagers.
