Eventually, Kieran had to scoot them farther up the shore, as the tide began to roll in.
Finally after what felt like an hour or more, Eilidh pulled out of his arms and, wiping her cheeks, turned away, sitting on a wind-smoothed rock well back from the water’s edge. Her face was splotchy and mottled from her weeping. An elegant crier his lass was not. She wrapped her hands around her elbows and looked toward the sea.
“Will ye tell me?” he asked, sitting down on the sun-warmed sand beside her. He pulled his knees up toward his chest.
She sighed, wiping another stray tear from her cheek.
And still, she said nothing.
Eilidh’s heart hammeredin her chest.
She didn’t look down at Kieran.
He remained seated at her feet, his eyes turned toward the ocean.
She longed to crawl into his lap, rest her head against his shoulder. To seek the comfort she knew he could give her.
But fear kept her frozen in place.
She could feel her memories lurking, waiting to pounce.
“I th-think I did it, Kieran,” she hiccupped.
He turned to look at her, eyebrows raised.
“I think Ididb-blow up the ship,” she continued.
“What suddenly convinced ye?”
“Mr. Chen’s death.” She took in a slow, stuttering breath, desperate to stem the chattering of her teeth, the hitch in her lungs. “And the few thoughts that have filtered up around that. I remembered packing explosives, being terrified but so determined. That I didn’t want Mr. Chen’s death to be in vain.”
Kieran closed his eyes at that. He swallowed.
“So, if I blew up that ship—”
“Yecannaesay that for certain,” he interrupted, pushing himself upright, brushing sand off his hands. “Not until all your memories return—”
“No!” The crushing fear forced Eilidh to her feet. “I keep speaking, but ye aren’t listening. I don’t think I had a reason. I think I willfully murdered one hundred and twenty-seven men! I was scared and angry and, perhaps, vengeful. Ye were gone. Mr. Chen was gone. Who was I protecting at that point?”
“Our bairn?!”
She flinched, wrapping her hands around her elbows once more. “I don’t know, Kieran. I don’t know that I thought about the baby as a living entity. It was all so abstract. Ye need to leave me be.”
She spun and stalked away from him, from the memories, from the crack in her heart that only seemed to be getting larger and larger.
She did care for Kieran. She did. She wanted more kisses and more long talks and more confidences whispered into the night.
But it all came with a high cost. Her greatest fear.
That the closer she got to Kieran, the more likely the dam was to burst. And given the snippets of memory that had surfaced, she absolutely did not want to remember more.
“Eilidh! Stop this!” His voice called from behind her. “Ye are braver than this!”
“No, I’m really not,” she called over her shoulder. “I’m not brave. I’m terrified.”
She reached the narrow path which led to the top of the cliffs. Lifting her skirts, she took it at a near run. By the time she reached the top, she was panting and out of breath and had to stop to rest.
So much for outrunning Kieran MacTavish.
