Perhaps there might be comfort in talking through some of the things shedidremember.
Perhaps she could find some harmony between the black terror and the white numbness . . . a narrow space she could inhabit that allowed for some feeling, just not the emotions that so terrified her.
Abruptly he opened his eyes. Those impossibly-pale blue eyes, like looking into a sun-bathed winter sky.
Some part of Eilidh’s brain pointed out that she was close to him.
So close.
Close enough to—
The shrill cry of a newborn babe rent the air again.
Eilidh blinked and all but lurched away.
Reality crashed in behind.
The baby.
Violet had finally had her baby.
Two hours later, Ewan walked into the drawing room, the tiniest of bundles cradled in his massive arms. He looked as exhausted as Eilidh felt, but the smile on his face was euphoric.
“I want ye both to meet my new daughter, Lady Dahlia Campbell,” Ewan said the words without taking his eyes from the babe’s face.
Eilidh couldn’t see much of the baby from where she stood near the fireplace, just the tip of a pert nose.
Kieran smiled and immediately crossed the room to join his friend, bending over to inspect the wee girl.
Eilidh felt cemented in place, her heart a frantic beast in her chest.
The baby was so small. How was Ewan to protect her? To keep her safe?
Blood roared in her ears.
Why had she not anticipated this particular pain? This swooping dip in her stomach and vise around her lungs?
This was not the black terror per se, but something akin, equally aching and raw.
Yes, it was the grief of losing her own babe.
But it was also a thousandwhat ifs.
What if her body had been strong enough to heal her own injuries and carry the child to term?
What if Kieran had been at her side?
What if her memories had not fled?
Would she—as Jamie and with Jamie’s memories—have been strong enough?
But . . . no. She had failed—
“Congratulations. She is right bonnie,” Kieran was saying, clapping his friend on the shoulder. If he shared Eilidh’s pain, he hid it. “And how is Violet?”
“Tired but otherwise in good spirits. The labor and delivery went as well as could be expected, the midwife says. It’s only us that felt the birth lasted far too long. It was miraculous to witness. Every man should be in the room when his child is born, I believe. My wife is a goddess!” Ewan laughed at that, a baffled sort of wonder in his tone. “Do ye want tae hold her?”
Kieran nodded and carefully took the babe. Little Dahlia squawked and a tiny hand appeared, waving above the blanket.
