It was the oddest thing. But after nearly two years of pain and grief, melting into embarrassment over an ill-advised kiss felt almost . . . normal.
As if the very act of kissing Alex had awakened something within her. Something that longed to stretch its wings and trulyliveonce more.
She laid on her side, cheek resting on her palm. The pulsing glow from the banked fire painted the room in quivering shadows.
The beginnings of that kiss had likely been kindled when Cousin Alex had listened.
What had she said about Theo?
He found the weight of my love onerous, both my love for my family, as well as my love for him.
Theo had only heard whathewished in her words, the bits that corroborated with the lifehewanted to lead. He gave every appearance of listening, yet had not, in fact, heard her.
But Cousin Alex was Theo’s opposite in this, was he not? When she spoke, Alex listened, hearing meaning even in the words she did not say.
Somewhere in the middle of all this . . . she finally fell asleep.
She woke to fitful sunlight slipping through the shutters.
Mortification still fluttered in her chest.
But somehow part of her was freer.
For once, she didn’t wish to don black or gray or even lavender. She was ready, she realized, to let go of her mourning colors. It was time to move onward.
Her maid blinked in surprise when Lottie asked to wear a favorite cornflower-blue frock from years past. But the girl quickly smiled and rushed to press the dress.
Now Lottie merely had to sort what she was to do about the situation with Cousin Alex.
Fortunately, Dr. Smithson had arrived to check on his patient. Therefore, Lottie did not have to actively find reasons to avoid Cousin Alex’s room.
But by afternoon, she was nearly twitchy with nerves.
She and Grandmère were in the morning room, Grandmère embroidering and Lottie making a show of replying to her correspondence.
Margaret had written a comical letter about an ill-advised trip to the Tower of London and Royal Menagerie. Freddie had begged for nearly two weeks to see the lion and other exotic animals housed there. So an outing had been planned.
But sweet Freddie took one look at the mangy lion and burst into tears, begging his mother to purchase the poor animal and set it free.
I fear he has inherited your soft heart, Lottie dearest,Margaret wrote. Freddie speaks of nothing now but freeing the lion. He is far too young for such vigilante thoughts. How shall we ever manage him in a decade’s time?
Normally, Lottie would grin and savor every last flourish of Margaret’s loopy handwriting. But a riot of regret crashed through her chest, squelching her joy.
Familae primum semper cognosce.
Lottie certainly hadn’t been thinking of her family when she kissed Cousin Alex.
Margaret would be aghast were she to learn of Lottie’s behavior. She would view it as fraternizing with the enemy and would be understandably hurt.
But . . . if Cousin Alex was intent on renouncing the title—as he repeatedly asserted—then perhaps it wasn’ttoomuch of a betrayal?
Lottie nibbled on her thumbnail, worried that perhaps she was merely looking for reasons to justify her poor behavior.
Oof!
Enough.
She would apologize to the doctor and promise to never kiss him again.
