Was this why he'd pushed her away with that confusing phone call? Why he hadn't answered her calls in a week? Because he believed, deep down, that he didn't deserve to be with them? With her?
"Jilly's gonna keep on loving you no matter what,” Noah said. “She loves you even though you made a mistake. She still loves you. And I know she wouldn't want you to make an even bigger mistake. Why don't you put the knife down?"
It was almost as if Noah's question released Casey. She heard a metallic clatter on the counter. Seconds later, the tortoiseshell kitten raced out of the room, complaining with a plaintive meow.
Jilly ran to the doorway and saw Casey in a ball, sobbing on the floor. Noah had crawled across the floor to him and was already putting an arm around the boy's shoulder before she broke the threshold.
Casey's noisy sobs must've obscured her footsteps, but Noah raised his head at her approach. The naked emotion in his expression grabbed her by the heart.
"It's me," she murmured as she joined them on the floor.
She dragged Casey into her lap as if he was a tiny child and held him as he cried.
When Noah tried to move away, she threw her arm out, managing to wrap it around his back. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt for good measure. Maybe it had taken breaking into his house again to reach him, but, this time, she wasn't letting him go. Not without a fight.
He held his shoulders stiffly, still putting inches between them. And her heart sank.
"I'm sorry," Casey said through his noisy sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm a bad kid."
"No, you're not." She held him tighter, and Noah too. She didn't know who had told Casey that. If it was a real voice from his past or his own voice speaking his deepest fears. She determined to speak louder. "You're not a bad kid. I love you."
She felt Noah’s shuddering breath. And she suddenly knew what she had to do. Whether it would break down his walls or not, she didn't know. If he pushed her away today, she would go back home and regroup. Grab some figurative climbing gear and try again.
She lifted her head from where she had her jaw pressed against the top of Casey's head. She looked directly at Noah, who had his face turned away from her. He stared at the wall. "I love you, Noah."
He stilled.
She gripped the handful of his shirt even tighter. This wasn't a moment for a long, drawn out confession of her feelings. This moment had to be about Casey.
Just when she thought that Noah was going to shake off her hold and stand, he turned his body into hers instead. He wrapped himself around her from behind, bracing her back and giving her physical support. His arms enveloped her, letting her know he was here to weather Casey's storm. They’d do it together.
When she cameback downstairs after making sure the kids were settled in bed for the night, she found Noah standing over the sink with his hands braced on the counter. After they'd brought Casey home, he'd spent most of the day with them.
Casey had been quiet all day, but introspective, not angry.
Jilly knew that Casey’s troubles weren’t over. She already made an appointment with a trauma therapist. They would go in together and see what the woman had to say. Casey had a long way to go. Farther than PJ and Lindsey, but she was determined that they would travel this road together as a family.
Noah turned his head toward her but remained in the same position as she approached. She saw that he had washed the hot chocolate mugs the family had used after dinner and set them to dry on a towel.
They hadn't had a chance to talk about anything between them since her declaration this morning. Until now. Butterflies were going crazy in her stomach.
"What are you thinking about?" She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his shoulder blade.
"I don't—" His shoulders rose and fell on a breath. "I don't know exactly. I am... stunned. I guess that's the best word for what I feel. I keep replaying what you said to me earlier. And there's a part of me that still can't believe it."
She squeezed his waist. "Believe it."
His voice was hoarse when he spoke again "How can I? The last time I wanted something this badly..."
She knew.
"Do you love me?" It was a dare, a challenge. One that made the butterflies in her stomach go even more bananas. She hadn't been this vulnerable with someone since Eddie. She’d asked him the same thing just before he'd rejected her and walked away for good.
She felt his short breaths. Like he couldn't draw a full one. His muscles rippled beneath her touch as he gently disengaged himself and turned to embrace her fully. He cupped the back of her head. "More than anything. Jilly, you are the light and color in my life." She felt the hiccup of breath just before he spoke the next words, the most important ones. "I love you."
Joy lit her up from the inside out. She felt as if she could fly.
She slid her hand over his dear jaw, stretched on her tiptoes to kiss him. She was ready to fall into the kiss, like she always did. But she could feel the tension in his muscles bunched beneath her fingertips.
