He took the invitation at her word and nodded. “There are three things you need to know. The first is I have had no lover other than you since we met.” Even knowing what she thought, the surprise in her eyes hurt, but he stayed his course. “Secondly, the only reason I never told my family about you was because I did not want Armand to order me to end the relationship. Had he done so, I would have been forced to choose between my duty and my love. My family needed me then and they need me now. I did not want to have to abandon them.”
Her eyes filled with tears. While he wished desperately to comfort her, some truths were better harsh.
“Lastly, at no point have I ever considered you my mistress. If anything, you were my lady. One I waited to claim so you could have the life and the future you craved. The life I could not give you. The life I believed, until a few hours ago, you chose for yourself.” He exhaled slowly and remained standing, his gaze fixed on her though he longed with every molecule to join her on the bed. He longed to reassure himself in every way how very alive and vital she remained.
But sex, it seemed, complicated their comprehension of each other. He could not let it cloud their judgment or their understanding, not this time.
“I—my future?” She sat forward, her frown intense. “I don’t understand. What future did you think I craved that you couldn’t give me?”
There was the crux of it—Meredith didn’t understand. “Meredith Blake is a doctor of mathematics, a skilled lecturer, and a highly in demand theorist. She’s respected in her field and one of the youngest professors to receive tenure. She is amazingly gifted, deeply respected, and—” He recalled Daniel’s reaction to her. “—highly prized for her abilities and work. She is, in all things, at the top of her field with a very vibrant future. Did you not say you have received multiple offers? You’vepublished four times in five years, and your work is invaluable. You have provided insights, which have made or broken projects. All of those things were possible because you were not Meredith Dagmar, princess and wife of the second Andraste son. As my wife, you would have led an altogether different life, one you suffered a taste of today.”
Her eyes widened, and she sucked in a noisy breath. Sebastian barely smiled because it seemed unlikely she could have manufactured her response, yet…how could she not have realized?
“I had no idea.”
“Didn’t you?” He canted his head. “You said I kept you a dirty little secret, that you were my mistress. You reconciled yourself to your position in my life.” Damn if her words still didn’t cut him. “Although at all times you held the power to change it and chose not to.”
Anger sparked in her eyes. “How the hell did I have the power when I didn’t even know you wanted to marry me?”
“One phone call, Meredith. One call to the press telling them who you were and what we shared…”
“Then they would have been all over me. You warned me during our first weekend together. You told me to only show what we wanted them to see—” She stopped, and her lower lip trembled.
“Exactly.” This time he did smile, but it held no happiness for him. “As long as you wished for the life you wanted, I wished for you to have it. I wanted you safe. I wanted you to be able to chase your dreams and did not leash you permanently to my side without hope of privacy. When you stayed quiet, when you chose to keep us a secret, I knew it was what you wanted, too.”
“I—” She began then paused. An intense struggle played across her face, and she shuddered. “I thought—I thought wewere having fun and fun was what you wanted from me. I loved?—”
His heart jerked at her hesitation. “What?” he demanded. “What did you love?”
Soulful brown eyes locked on his. “I loved being with you and, even if all I could have was a piece of your life, I wanted that piece.”
“Until you didn’t anymore…” He finally gave into the urge to be closer to her. Her shoulders jerked as his words found their mark. “Until, for some reason, out of all the many lovers you believed I dallied with, the last unremarkably ridiculous story of my supposed engagement tipped the scale. Why then? What changed?”
When she didn’t answer immediately, the seeds planted over the last few days—based on O’Connor’s outright refusal of orders to his belligerence to the open affection between the two—blossomed into cold certainty.
“Or should I askwhochanged your mind?”
She didn’t answer directly, only frowned. “What are you talking about?”
Needing to touch her, he stroked a finger down her cheek. Would he be able to forgive her if she admitted his suspicions were correct? Would it break him if she did? “O’Connor,” he supplied. “Is he your lover?”
MEREDITH
An academic, raised by academics, Meredith rarely lost her temper. In fact, her parents’ one steadfast rule throughout her childhood involved never discussing or debating in anger. If shecouldn’t be reasonable and rational, then she wasn’t welcome at the table. The lesson served her well, until Bastian asked her about Terry. “He’s myfriendSebastian. Don’t make our argument about Terry.”
He curved his fingers against her cheek and ran his knuckles up the line of her jaw. “I’m not making it about him. However, your concern and affection coupled with his actions and attitude…they leave the situation open to interpretation.”
Pulling away, Meredith tried to wrestle the flames engulfing her thoughts. “Myconcernand affection, as you call it, are for myfriend. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’ve known Terry nearly as long as I’ve known you. You hired him six months after we started seeing each other.” Despite the shot the doctor gave her earlier, her heart began to pick up from a dull thud to a plodding canter. Scrubbing her hands against her face, she stared up at him. “You did not just say you wanted to marry me buried in a qualified argument regarding my future then ask me if I was sleeping with another man?”
Sliding his hands back into his pockets, he regarded her with a brooding look. “A question you haven’t answered directly, and you’re not one to play games, so why are you avoiding it?”
Shoving off the bed, she ignored the sway of the boat even as it made her stomach a bit queasy. Sebastian’s gaze scorched her as he looked her over from head to toe. His shirt struck her mid-thigh and she’d chosen it—a choice she now questioned—because of all the clothes in his stateroom closet, it held onto some of his scent.
“You shouldn’t be up.”
“Oh, stuff it, Your Highness.” She scowled and stomped over to the table. And yes, she was stomping.Marriage.At no point in five years had he ever brought up marriage. Him throwing it into the middle of the argument knocked her sideways. Then,to add upheaval to topsy-turvy, he wanted to know if she was sleeping with Terry.
“Excuse me?” He was right behind her when she made it to the side table where a porter delivered the trays with soups and sandwiches earlier. Ignoring him she plucked up silver lids to find a selection of fruits and cheeses. She slammed them back down with a somewhat temper appeasing clang.
