“It’s an illusion,” I mutter to myself.“It’s an illusion.”
“Your fears are real,” Karubus whispers to me.
They are, and normally I’d be able to reach for the power of the creatures around me to overcome that fear, but Karubus has cut me off from that power.
Except he doesn’t have the ability to do that.That isn’t his magic.His magic is about illusion, picking out my greatest fears and seeming to make them real.But that doesn't mean those fears are.
Being helpless is one of my greatest fears.I've experienced it too often in my life, cut off from my powers by magical dampeners, unable to fight back against those who want to hurt me.Of course, Karubus would be able to create the illusion of me not being able to touch my powers.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t.I might not be able to feel the power of the animals I’m taking energy from, but it’s there.I know what it feels like to call on that power, and I do it, trusting that it will come to me.I remember Alaric’s words before the fight: that I have the full powers of a beast whisperer, while all Karubus has is a few illusions.
An animal rage roars through me, and the illusions melt away.I can feel myself almost bursting with power as I leap to my feet, flinging myself at Karubus.He slashes at me, but I block the blow, slashing back at him with fingers that are now claws.They tear into the exposed parts of his flesh, sending him staggering back from me.
He keeps stepping back, and now I can see the fear inhiseyes.I leap at him again, and he takes one more step, but there isn’t any firm ground behind him now.He slips from the platform, arms pinwheeling, dagger falling from his grip.
For a split second, I'm tempted to let him fall.But that's my fear and hate talking.I turn my lunge into a grab, my claws digging into his armor and flesh as I haul him back up onto the platform, tossing him to his back there.He starts to rise, takes one look at me standing there over him, and slumps back.
Karubus’ grip on the crowd fades, and the cheer that washes over me is almost overwhelming.There’s no need to announce that I’m the winner of the fight.Everyone knows.
I stand there, letting everything I've borrowed from the animals around me fade.The fears Karubus has brought up are fading, too, but in a strange way, I'm grateful for them.They've helped me to clarify so much about what I care about.
And who.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I keep working in the grounds of Marcus’ villa, striking one of the wooden posts there with a spear, because I assume any foes I face will be preparing just as hard, assuming that I’ll be using the same trident I’ve employed in my last two bouts.Mixing up my weapons like this might provide me exactly the advantage I need.
“Don’t forget that your shield can be a weapon as well,” Alaric says, watching from the sidelines.
There’s a small buckler strapped to my left forearm, taking the place of the net I’ve used before.I saw it as a purely defensive choice, but now I start to explore the ways in which it might be possible to strike with the metal boss or the reinforced edge, using it as a close range bludgeoning tool as much as a way to protect myself from sword blows.
Marcus steps in as my training partner now, stripped to the waist and holding a blunted iron sword.We circle one another, and he attacks me with the weapon while sending sparks of lightning from his free hand.It's an approximation of the way Selene fights in the arena, but it's also uncomfortably close to the illusions Karabus sent against me.I yelp as some of the lightning gets through, arcing along the metal of my shield and into my arm.
“I’m sorry,” Marcus says, pulling back from me.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, but I’mnotfine.What I experienced with Karabus has left fear rising inside me as Marcus uses lightning against me.I can’t fight him like this, even as part of our training.
It’s clear Marcus didn’t see the details of the illusions Karabus used against me, but he can obviously sense my discomfort at training with him like this.He steps back and sets the sword aside.
“Well, I think we’ve done enough for now,” Marcus says.“We need to get ready in any case.”
“For what?”I ask, frowning.I’m not aware of anything we need to do today.The Grand Tournament is sprawling, spread out over multiple days, and I don’t have another fight today or tomorrow.
“We’ve arranged for you to speak in the forum,” Alaric says.
We, rather than just Marcus.It’s rare for the two of them to work together like that.
“Do you want me to go like this?”I ask.
Marcus looks over at Alaric.“No.We’ve agreed...”and here there’s tension in his voice that suggests it’s an argument between them.“That people need to see you as more than just a gladiator.”
I wonder which of them wanted me to go in my gladiatorial gear.Was it Marcus, who has always loved the games and who sees them as a route to power?Or was it Alaric, who wants to connect with the common people and won’t want me dressed in the finery of a noble?
In the end, my clothes are a compromise.I'm not dressed as a noble or a senator, even if I'm not wearing the armor of a gladiator.My blue dress is simple and elegant, with a belt at the waist from which I can string a dagger.My hair is braided by Marcus' servants, but not in one of the elaborate styles they used to produce for me, so I would look as spectacular as possible beside Marcus.
Once I’m ready, we head out into the city.Alaric uses illusions to shift his features and quickly disappears into the crowds around us.He might be watching for trouble, or he might be going to coordinate the resistance, trying to influence more of the people in the city.
I watch for danger.I don’t know if Olivia will be less inclined to send killers after us following my conversation with her, or more, but she isn’t Selene’s only follower, and there are plenty of people who might want to murder Marcus and me, given the chance.Watching through the eyes of birds above, I see people already gathering around the forum, many of them wearing white and gold: the colors of the Republic.
