We did a lot more than that.We stopped the city from being destroyed by a horde of beast whisperers rising up, and by a noble plot that would just have replaced one emperor with another, maintaining all the cruelties of the empire.We fought, and out of that fight came the current Republic of Aetheria, which did away with the slavery and violence of the empire before it.
“Then there are plenty who would say we've done our part,” Alaric replies.
“I would have thought you’d have liked the idea of going back to the city,” I say.“You’re clearly more suited to it than to a village.”
“And if it were just some random city, I’d jump at the chance,” Alaric says.“But Aetheria, when the Republic is still finding its feet?”He looks at me earnestly.“Are you really so eager to go back there, Lyra?Do you really want to go back to that pit of snakes?To throw yourself into the politics and the violence of the capital?”
“It won't be the same as it was when the empire was-”
“It will be exactly the same,” Alaric insists.His grip on my arms tightens.I can hear the hurt in his voice, but also the fear for me.“Why do you think I wanted to leave so badly?”
I shake free of his grip because it has tightened to the point of being almost painful.But then, everything about this conversation is painful.
“I thought you just wanted to be with me wherever I wanted to go,” I say.
“And that’s true,” Alaric replies, unable to keep the heat out of his voice.“Why do you think I followed you here?Why do you think Istayedhere?”
“So now the opportunity is here to go back to the capital, shouldn’t you be the one jumping at it?”I ask.“I would have thought the prospect of bathhouses and theatres, noble gatherings and feasts would appeal to you.Your family’s there, Alaric.”
Alaric shakes his head, vehemently.“If we go back there, we'll be stepping back into the same mess that we fought so hard to end.Forget all this talk of republics and things being different; that isn't the way people work.It isn't the wayAetheriaworks.There are still stones pumping out magic beneath it, which need to be fed with blood and power if they’re to be as strong as possible.There are still wealthy nobles who will want to control everything.There will still be hunger and violence, that the people will need to be distracted from.It will still be a place where you can't trust anyone.”
“Which is why I need you beside me,” I say.I want to persuade him of this.I need to persuade him.The thought of having to do this without Alaric hurts me, makes me ache with a sense of wrongness.
Alaric shakes his head, though.“I'm not going back there to watch you get dragged into the middle of political machinations, or to watch Rowan try to get you into his bed again.”
“Is that what you think this is about?”I demand, taking a step away from Alaric.“Do you not trust me even that much?”
“It's notyouI'm worried about,” Alaric says, but I’m already shaking my head.
“I'm not going to stay away from the capital just because of your jealousy, Alaric,” I say.
“This isn't about jealousy,” Alaric retorts.“It's about trying to keep you safe, and staying out of whatever trouble is brewing there.About not being drawn back into that kind of violence.It's about trying to protect you.”
“I don't need to be protected from this,” I say.“And I think… I think you're scared, Alaric.”
“You can think what you like,” Alaric says.He manages to make his tone sound as though he doesn't care but he can't keep the hurt from his face.“But I'm not going.I won't go there and see you drawn back into all of this.Stay here with me.”
“And watch you do nothing here?”I counter.“Watch you wither, because you don’t know where you fit in the world?Aetheria is where you belong.”
Watching that would hurt me at least as much as anything in the city could.I can feel pain running through me but also a kind of grim certainty.I know what's going to happen next, and in some ways we've been building towards it for months now.
“I'm going,” I say.“Whatever this is, I can't just ignore it.”
“You could,” Alaric says.“You're choosing not to.”
I don't know what to say to that, so I go to gather my things.I collect the spear I used to fight with back in the Colosseum.I stuff supplies into a bag, knowing I'll need them on the way.I hope in the time it takes for me to do this, Alaric will change his mind, but when I come out again, he's sitting at the kitchen table, pointedly not moving.
“Please,” I try one last time.“Just come with me.See what's happening.If you're so worried about me being in danger, be there with me.”
“There are plenty of things I can protect you from,” Alaric says.“But I'm not sure I can protect you from being dragged back into Aetheria.I can't protectmyselffrom it, either.I'm a noble there, and there will be expectations of me that I can't meet.If I go back, I'll be dragged into it all as quickly as you.Quicker, because at least as a commoner you can stand outside the politics if you choose.”
I stare at him, not in shock now, but simply in hurt.I'd hoped he would be there for me in this, as he has been in so many other things.But maybe we've been drifting towards this for a long time.
“I'm sorry,” I say.“I have to go.I need to know what's happening there.I can't just stand by.”
Alaric sighs.He stands and moves to me.This kiss is gentler.I know he's kissing me goodbye.
“I know you can't.And I can't go there with you to watch what will happen.Goodbye, Lyra.”
