He takes off down one of the tunnels, almost immediately lost to sight.Marcus gives me a last lingering look, then turns and goes his own way.I could follow one of them, choose to go after Marcus or Alaric.But the truth is I don't want to right now.I feel as though I'm being torn apart inside by these men I care about, who each, in his own way, keeps finding ways to hurt me.
Instead, I pick my own tunnel, borrowing the ability to see in the dark from something that lives down in the depths and walking slowly beneath the city, determined to get back to the palace in my own way.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
It's almost dawn before I emerge from the tunnels, tired and afraid, knowing that whatever stability I've built up in my life has been torn apart by one night of chaos.In the course of an evening, two men I've loved have turned away from me, set on courses I cannot follow.
Marcus is not who I believed him to be.Or maybe he's who he showed himself to be all along.I believed that his focus on the games and on the return of fights was simply a political necessity.Now I see that he's committed to the violence at the heart of Aetheria.
As for Alaric, he's so committed to being a rebel that he can't imagine the possibility of changing anything within the laws of the city.He wants me to be a part of disruption and violent change, but I can't go along with that approach, either.
The two would hate that I see them as having anything in common, but from my perspective they're almost identical.Both Marcus and Alaric believe the city needs to be changed, and they're so set on their ideas of how it should be done they won't listen to anyone else.They want life to be better for the people, but they don't care how many of those people get hurt in the process of change.
I do.In the uprising I stood against two rebel leaders in Vex and Lady Elara, one committed to the rule of the nobles the other to the power of the beast whisperers.Each wanted me to join their side, but I fought against and ultimately killed both.
But neither of them were people I was as close to as Marcus or Alaric.Lady Elara was a mentor to me for a while, but despite the rumors, we were never lovers.Vex was my enemy almost from the moment I entered Ironhold.
Marcus and Alaric mean so much more to me than either of them.Can I really stand against them?Really fight to make sure their visions of the future for the city don't come to pass?How far am I prepared to go to protect the Republic and what it stands for?
I don't know, and for now I'm too tired to think about it.I rested in the tunnels, hiding away and trying to leave it as long as possible so that the guards would stop searching.I don't know how many people they've caught or what’s become of them.Because I've emerged in the slums, I keep my head down as I head into the city, hoping that nobody recognizes me in my disguise.I can feel eyes on me, but I suspect they have more to do with the part where I still look like a courtesan than with any hint of recognition.
Just to stay safe, I use the birds above to watch me and keep me out of the way of any danger as I head back to the palace.When I get there, I half expect to find Marcus waiting for me, ready to try to talk me around, or failing that, guards, waiting there to arrest me.
There are neither, so I bathe and change, casting off my disguise and putting on a dark grey dress edged with purple.The darkness of it matches my mood, like a thundercloud poised on the edge of a storm.The whole city feels like that now that I know just how much Marcus and Alaric are working in the background.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do today.I can't exactly go to Rowan with news of what I did last night because much of it was illegal, and he wouldn't want to hear that I was caught up in the middle of some huge fight.I don't have the evidence I would want of what Marcus is doing, even though I now know that he's the one running the fights.I don't have any way to contact Alaric directly.
For the moment, all I can do is try to recover from the night’s exertions, and even in that I'm interrupted by a servant who comes to my door holding a message.
For a moment, I assume it's from Marcus.Maybe he's going to ask me to be his villa.Maybe he hopes that if he shows me enough affection, if he makes enough of a show of contrition, I'll forgive him and he can keep going with his plans to have me by his side as… what?A trophy wife?A political ally?Someone to impress the other senators?
I'm not certain if he loves me or if he just sees me as something useful.I suspect Marcus doesn't really see the difference.
But this doesn't seem to be a note from Marcus.It isn't his writing.This is a neat, flowing hand that I don't recognize.I open the message and read carefully.
Come see me if you want answers.Today.You may not get another opportunity.
Selene Ravenscroft
She's sending me messages from inside Ironhold?I guess that's possible, but the tone of the message isn't that of a prisoner asking to speak with a senator, or even the kind of message that I might have sent if I needed to speak to one of my patrons back in the days when I was held in Ironhold.This is a simple summons, something that makes it clear I'm going to her on her terms, not mine.
I could ignore it, but I don't.Partly, that's because of the promise of answers; partly, it's because I don't understand the part at the end that speaks about me not getting another opportunity.Partly, though, it's the timing.Do I really think it's a coincidence that Selene has contacted me immediately after I've discovered the truth about the death matches beneath the city?Somehow, she knows what happened last night.
I know I can't ignore her so I leave the palace and head through the city, heading out of it into the slums once more, trying to ignore the rising heat of the day as I walk towards the granite fortress that stands beyond Aetheria.
As usual, I can hear people training within as I arrive, and my heart aches with the thought that I won't see Sorrel there.In fact, all I can see are a few guards working hard to be ready for any violence in the city or to counter any threats from beyond it.
I had through Ironhold slowly, the weight of memory on me as I go into places that used to be for the containment of slave gladiators such as myself.Selene’s cell is down here, and she's waiting, sitting comfortably behind a set of metal bars.
She's dressed in very familiar fashion, in a robe of purple and gold that’s halfway between her old robes as the arch magistrate and the kind of thing the emperor might have worn back in the days before I killed him.She's reading a series of scrolls and doesn't look up for several seconds as I approach.
Finally, Selene deigns to look my way, smiling faintly.
“You came.”
“You called me here,” I point out.
“And you came running to your betters.Isn't that nice?"
