“So he was a drinker, too?”Sam kissed the back of Ian’s neck some more, then gave it a little nibble.
“That started a while after Mom died.It didn’t get bad until I went off to college and he was in that house alone.I’m sure he’s an alcoholic now, but I don’t think it made any difference in my life when I was still at home.”
“He didn’t, like, disown you when he found out you were gay?”
Ian shrugged one shoulder.“No.I’d done what he wanted, I became a firefighter; he just asked me not to be out.And he asked me to be sure.”
“Like ...?”
“Like, keep dating women.I thought it was more about wanting me to look straight for his buddies and the department.Wasn’t that big a department.There were a couple other gay guys I knew of, but nobody was really out.I was the only one who kept it a total secret.”
“So not even the other gay guys ...?”
Ian shook his head before Sam finished the question.
“And you kept dating women,” Sam said, pressing harder on Ian’s heart.
Ian nodded.“Or at least I made it look like it.”
Sam squeezed him even tighter, until Ian grunted.“Careful, kiddo,” he said softly.“Those are my internal organs in there.”
Sam laughed and brushed his lips back and forth across Ian’s skin, burying his nose in his hair.Mmm, he loved that smell.Sam’s hips snugged themselves up to Ian’s butt without really asking permission, but he didn’t object.
“The thing is, even though I thought he was an asshole, and his opinions weren’t worth stressing out over ...somehow it sunk in.Not the part where no one would ever love me—he’s obsessed with me having someone to take care of me, whatever that means—but the part where I’d never have a relationship.”
Sam lifted himself up so he could press his cheek on Ian’s ear, arms and leg wrapped around him.Trying to smother him with reassurance without actually cutting off any major arteries or airways.“You are in a relationship, and someone loves you.”And was getting hard for him.Was that inappropriate?
Ian dislodged him, rolling onto his back and looking up at him.Sam kept his body loosely caging Ian’s, trying not to make his dick’s demands too obvious.“That’s what my problem was Thursday,” he said so quietly his voice grated.“I got out of there, you know?I started seeing a therapist after the accident as part of my rehab, but it turned into dealing with all of this stuff.I got out of that job and stopped doing what he wanted me to, and I started coming out.I left the state and I even got my, you know—” Ian’s eyes flicked away a second “—emotional stuff sort of worked out, and then he called and it got fucked up all over in my head.I was so sure, Sam.”He grabbed the back of Sam’s neck, pulling him slightly closer, so all Sam could focus on were Ian’s eyes.“And then for a while after he called, I didn’t know if this was real or I was fooling myself.Like, I lost faith or something.Am I making any sense?”
Sam nodded earnestly.Mostly he was making sense enough to follow, but Sam had one question.“You didn’t know ifwewere real?Us?”
Ian swallowed and nodded.“Yeah.”
“Do you know now?”Sam held his breath.Hethoughthe knew the answer, but there was still that sliver of doubt.
“Yeah.We’re real.”Ian pressed harder on the back of Sam’s neck, stretching up to kiss him.“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Sam kept kissing him forever, over and over, riding Ian’s thigh and grinding one of his legs between Ian’s.Ian arched up and pushed into Sam to encourage him, knowing what was going to happen.His heart thudded with it, and the muscles in his ass bunched up tight with want.“Maybe we shouldn’t do this, I mean, your head ...”He trailed off and Sam kissed him again.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Sam whispered, then came back for more.But they were going to.It wasn’t as if he’d never bottomed before, but doing it for Sam—that was completely different.Terrifying because of how much it meant.
When Sam pulled off his T-shirt and boxers, Ian had to run hands over his chest, his tan skin against Sam’s paleness.Sam loomed over him on extended arms, letting Ian pet him.He thumbed Sam’s nipples and watched him shiver.Then Sam looked into his eyes and Ian dropped his hands, because Sam wanted himnow.
Sam pulled off the sweats and briefs Ian had slept in, and Ian’s dick bounced up into Sam’s hand like it had been dying for the contact.He smiled, straddled Ian’s thighs, and used his thumb and fingers to drive Ian nuts until he was squirming, pushing his hips up for more.Sam let go of him to hover over his lips again.
“I’m going to fuck you,” he whispered, looking into Ian’s eyes, waiting for a response.
“I know,” Ian whispered back.
“That’s okay?”
He swallowed and reached up to palm the back of Sam’s head.“I want it.”
Even if he hadn’t wanted to, Sam’s smile and then his kiss would have changed his mind.But he ached to feel Sam inside him.When he heard the softclickof the lube bottle, he took a deep breath and pulled his legs up, hands behind his knees, opening himself up for Sam.
Sam’s fingers were magic.They did all kinds of amazing things that made Ian writhe and groan and arch up from the bed.Then they stopped, sliding out, and Sam was looming over him again, propped on one shaking arm.“Are you ready?”
