“So,” Ian took a breath.“No one except me?”
Sam put his hand on Ian’s cheek and stroked his thumb across Ian’s lips.“No,” he said, then kissed him.“I was tested a few months ago; I’m clean.”
Ian closed his eyes in apparent relief.“Me too.”He reached for the back of Sam’s head and fisted his hair gently.
Sam’s heart beat a little harder.“We could ...not use condoms.Promise not to be with other people.”
“Yeah.”Ian stared at him.“We could do that.”He slid his fingers around Sam’s chin and pulled him closer for another kiss.“I want that with you,” he said into Sam’s mouth.
Sam cracked the door in his heart and let himself feel a bit loved.Not just liked or desired—and yes, he believed Ian desired him—but loved.
It was possible.
Ian lay awake wondering if Sam had liked his present.And the role-playing.After everything that had just happened—forgetting the condom, and then their conversation about not being with anyone else—he shouldn’t care about this.
But he did.He’d spent an hour trying not to bug Sam about it, and trying not to wonder why Sam hadn’t said anything.Sam could say something later.In the morning, because he was asleep now, as usual.He’d been asleep since about ten minutes after their conversation ended, which was a long time for Sam to stay awake after coming.Ian should be sleeping too.
But he wasn’t.Because ten minutes was long enough for Sam to tell him if he’d enjoyed himself.
You aren’t a guy who worries about this shit.
Except, apparently, he was now.He sighed and pulled Sam closer.Thank God he’d given up pretending he didn’t like to cuddle.Sam snuffled and breathed heavily against his shoulder, throwing a limp arm across Ian’s diaphragm.Ian winced.
Hell with it.He untangled himself and got up, wandering into the kitchen for a glass of water, then into the living room to sit on his couch and brood.He’d never brooded about a guy before, but how hard could it be?He kept the lights off because he thought it might help.
It was harder than he’d thought.Plus, he had no clue if he was doing it right.
“What are you doing out here?”Sam’s sleepy voice asked behind him.Ian turned to look.Sam stood there naked in the light coming in the window, rubbing at his eyes and yawning.
“What woke you up?”
Sam hugged himself and came around to the front of the couch.“I got cold ’cause you weren’t there.”
Ian lifted his arm when Sam sat down next to him so Sam could get under it and start to warm up.“I made sure you were covered up.”
“S’not the same,” he said, yawning until his jaw cracked.He settled in under Ian’s biceps, head on his shoulder, breath evening out.Ian almost thought he’d fallen asleep again until Sam moved to kiss him on the neck.“Thank you.”
“For keeping you warm?”
Sam squirmed, turning more into Ian and trying to pull his legs up on the couch.“Toes’re cold,” he muttered, but they didn’t fit between them.He dropped his legs back on the floor.“I was thanking you for the present.”
Ian shifted so he could lie back, pulling Sam with him.He had to be practically on top of Ian for them to fit on this couch.“You liked it?”
“Best present ever,” Sam said.
Thank fuck.Ian squeezed him tightly, then caught Sam’s toes between his feet, trying to warm them up.“Squirrel.”
Sam lifted his head and stared down at Ian in the dark.Ian couldn’t read his expression, but he could guess at it.He probably had that little lip curl of confusion.“What?”
“That’s what I’m going to call you.”
After a second or two of staring, Sam laid his head back down on Ian’s shoulder.“That’s ...weird.Can’t you just keep calling me kiddo?”
“I call you kiddo?”
Sam huffed a soft laugh.“Yeah, all the time.”
Ian ran a hand through Sam’s shaggy hair.“Isn’t that kind of, I don’t know, condescending?”
