I quickly grip her chin and lift her gaze back to mine. I should let her mortification fuel her into running far away from me, but I can’t.
“I like what you were thinking.” I’m certain she can feel my hardening cock pressing against her abdomen, acting as the perfect emphasis to my point. “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.” When I feel her body press further into mine, I amend my statement. “It’s a bad idea.”
I should burn her with the unspoken honesty lingering in my throat. No matter what transpires between us tonight, I will still send her out those castle doors in the morning, and why I’m doing it is the same reason that I got her bound to this curse in the first place—to protect her. I failed her miserably in my first attempt to save her, and nearly failed her a second time when Gravesley attacked her. I won’t be able to live with myself if I fail her again.
Azalea still doesn’t pull away from me. I should bid her goodnight. I should stop letting her press her body against mine like this. There are a lot of things I should do.
This is most likely the last piece of Azalea I will ever have to cling to for however long I’m left trapped in this traitorous world, and I’m simply too selfish to let her leave. I may be sending her away from me in the morning, but for tonight, I could claim her as mine. Because that’s what Azalea is. That’s what she always has been. She’s mine. Whether she knows it or not.
Her eyes float around my face as her breathing starts to come out in short, soft pants.
“Braxton I…” While the words she longs to say don’t pass her lips, she screams them at me through her honey-colored eyes. I hear every single one loud and clear. And I am simply not strong enough to keep resisting her.
“Fuck.” The curse escapes me in a growl as the hunger inside me explodes. My lips crash onto hers, desperately seeking the ember of affection I’m starved for.
And to my utter delight, she feeds me.
I know this is going to end in a disaster. I know she’ll hate me in the morning when I send her away, and I know I need to fuel that hatred or I’ll never be strong enough to actually put her in that carriage.
All of that is coming tomorrow. But it isn’t tomorrow. So as her lips enthusiastically lock onto mine, I push all of those thoughts from my head, and I focus on what I have in front of me. For however long I can have her, I will take her, worship her, and let her feed my shriveled heart.
I tell myself maybe tonight will be enough to live a lifetime without her. But as the thought crosses my mind, I know it’s a lie. It could never be enough. I could never be full of her.
Azalea is my past, present, and future. She is my dawn, day, and dusk. Soon, she will be the ghost that haunts my heart. But for eternity, she will be mine even if I’m no longer hers.
My wildflower in a barren land.
My last resounding beacon of hope that there is some good in this world, because if there wasn’t any good, then I would’ve never been gifted with the time I did have with her.
And now, I have to let her go. For, where she is my salvation, I am her destruction, and she will never be able to bloom to her full extent if I keep her trapped with me.
So, tonight will have to be enough. I will have to make it enough. For both of us.
53
Azalea
“Azalea,”Braxtonmurmursagainstmy lips, and Sky’s Divine, I could listen to him say my name like that for centuries to come. His tone is a mixture of a warning, a plea, and a prayer.
I fist my hands into his shirt, and with his arm secured around my waist, he pulls me into his study before shutting the door behind him.
Silence and darkness swallow us once the door is closed. Only the flickering flames from the fireplace and a few candlelit sconces illuminate the room, causing orange and golden hues to dance across our skin.
It feels perfectly intimate as Braxton ushers me over to the armchair. Gripping the backs of my legs, he smoothly pulls me with him as he settles himself onto the chair with me straddling his lap. At first, I’m hovering slightly above him, but once I adjust the skirts of my dress, I’m able to fully seat myself on top of him. I gasp softly when I feel his hard length press firmly into me, only his trousers and a small scrap of fabric acting as a barrier between the two of us.
Not being able to stop myself, I grind my hips against his and let out a breathless moan as dizzying sensations rock through my body.
“Azalea.”
I can hear how close his thread of control is to snapping as he says my name again, and warmth pools in my core. I desperately want to see what happens when he loses his control with me.
I’m not a fool. I know if I don’t stop this from happening, there will be no turning back. There will be no excuses of rage or hatred fueling my emotions. There will be no way to spin this into something sinister. I know I should feel like an awful person for wanting to feel Braxton inside of me again, but I simply can’t. My body won’t let me feel that guilt. All I feel is my want for Braxton. Not to punish him. Not to use him. Not to have him be a means to an end. I just wanthim. I don’t know what magic he cast to garner this grip on my heart, but I’m certain that the only thing I don’t want is for him to let me go.
“Braxton.” I pull back so that I can look into his eyes. “I know this isn’t the same as before.” Opening myself up to be this vulnerable proves harder than I anticipated. “This isn’t the same as the library,” I clarify.
My eyes flick between his, passion pooling in his dark irises as he studies my amber ones.
“I want this.”
