“Go ahead, then.” Braxton tilts his chin back and exposes his neck to me. I see the swirled patterns of one of his tattoos peeking around the back and side of his neck, and I’m overcome with the desire to latch my lips onto the ink.
Blinking rapidly, I try to clear my head of the fog of lust looming over me.
“I think we’ve studied enough today.” My voice is clipped. I try to turn away from him, but my feet refuse to move.
“Then go,” he teases, a knowing smirk filling his face.
We’re standing nose to nose, our breath mingling together with how close we are. I should step away. I should walk out of this library and get as far away from him as I can. I know that’s what I should do. And I hate myself for not wanting to.
He tips his head down, his breath brushing across my lips as he says, “How long are you going to deny that you want me just as badly as I want you?”
His words snap something inside of me, and bringing my hands up to his chest, I shove him away.
“Want?” I let out a humorless laugh. “What I want, Braxton, is my old life back.” I shake my head because those words aren’t true enough. “I want my old self back. I want to be the person I was before I came to this skyforsaken castle.”
For a moment, a look akin to anguish flashes across his features, but then he squares his shoulders and slips his hands inhis pockets, his usual mask of indifference taking root across his face. “What is so different about you now?”
His eyes are imploring as he asks his question, as if he wants to give me whatever he feels I’m missing. A mirthless bellow of laughter explodes out of me, and I try to run my fingers through my hair, only getting more frustrated when they tangle in my curls.
“For starters, I used to be happy.” My honesty strikes a chord deep inside me, and it forces tears of anger to brim my eyes. “I—” I shake my head, trying to gather my thoughts. “I used to smile, I used to… enjoy things. I used to trust people and now have to constantly wonder if someone was scheming against me.” I take a deep breath before revealing my next truth. “I used to look forward to waking up.” I drop my head, breaking my stare with Braxton. That level of honesty is too painful to share while looking into his eyes. “I hate the person I’ve become from you chaining me to this castle.” My voice sounds like shattered glass, spraying across the floor between us and keeping us from stepping closer to one another.
“You think I like it any better?” His voice is filled with enough emotion to get me to look at him. “You think I like losing more and more pieces of myself with every day I’m tormented to be in this castle with you?”
“Itormentyou?”
He steps closer to me and clasps my chin in his hand. “Relentlessly.”
“Then why?” I sound pitiful, but I can’t muster up enough energy to care at this point.
“I can’t tell you that.”
I rip my chin from his grasp. I want to scream. I want to actually shatter every decoration and piece of furniture in this room, throwing it between us so the obliterated shards scatter the grounds at our feet. I wonder then if he would still findit worth it to keep stepping closer to me. If he would find the pain worth it. Because that’s what being near him is for me. It’s painful in a myriad of ways that leave me unsure of what I should think or feel. Instead, I try to inflict a personalized brand of agony on him with my words.
“I miss the person I was. But she can’t coexist in the world you’ve imprisoned me to. You’veruinedme.” I take one shaky breath before delivering my final blow. “And I will never stop hating you for it. And I willneverstop trying to escape you.”
He blinks, silence engulfing the words I spilled between us. Then, to my utter surprise, he scoffs. “Well, get in line Wildflower,” he grumbles, never taking his eyes from mine. “Because I hate myself for trapping us in this castle together, too.”
His words only encourage the fury of frustration roiling inside of me. I feel as though I’m going to become consumed by this unadulterated hate. With every barbed word or jabbed insult, it festers further inside my soul. I need a release. I need to get it out of my body. It’s devouring me, swallowing me whole.
My blazing eyes lift to find Braxton, studying me, and it’s like he knows exactly what I need before I do.
“Use me.” It’s both an offering and a command.
“I- I don’t…” My brain has become incapable of discerning right from wrong.
It’s as though every emotion inside of me has been set free. I’m angry. I’m devastated. I’m horrified with who I’ve become. I’m sad. I’m lonely. I’m craving human affection to take away this unstoppable ache inside of me.
Braxton steps closer to me and roughly pulls my body to his. My chest slams into his rigid torso, and he pinches my chin between his thumb and forefinger before lifting my face so that my only choice is to stare at him.
“Take it out on me, Wildflower. Useme.”
“I fuckinghateyou.” And those are my last words before I let every logical thought slip from my mind and slam my lips against his.
39
Braxton
WhatthefuckamI doing? My mind and my body are at war with each other as Azalea bruises my mouth with her animosity, branding my soul with each glide of her lips against mine.
