Rubbing one hand over my jaw, I start telling the story that has haunted my every nightmare since I doomed us to this castle. Still, as I relive the twisted fairytale that has become my reality, I tread carefully with my words. I can’t tell her everything. She doesn’t need to know the truth of what I did after she died. She won’t remember that.
“I made a deal with a witch. One that I’ve had to live with now for a century.”
“A century?” Azalea’s breath escapes her and she slowly steps away from me until the backs of her legs hit the bed and she sits down.
I keep pushing through the story, figuring the sooner I can say it all the sooner she can begin to cope, until she inevitably falls asleep and we start all over.
“You got sick… very sick. It was sudden and unexpected, and it claimed your life.” Not completely a lie. “I—” My voice becomes strained, and I grant myself a moment before I continue the story. Though I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any grace for what I’ve done. “I couldn’t bear living in a world that you weren’t a part of. I heard there was a witch in the village who could help. She was powerful, and she had been said to have brought people back from the dead before if acted upon fast enough. I raced you into the village.” I pause, flashes of my deranged, blood-soaked reflection flashing through my memory. And the sound of a broken cry. I shake myself. “You were still warm in my arms when I found her. The witch said that she could bring you back to me. I wasn’t too late.”
I look up. Azalea has paled considerably, and her attention is fixed on me, hanging onto my every word.
“As magic goes, I couldn’t be given something for nothing. I needed to provide a sacrifice to bring you back.” Again. Not technically a lie, just not the full truth. “In return for getting you back, I was cursed. She bound us to the castle together, me with all of our memories together, and you having no clue who I was.”
“So… so this entire time… through everything…” Azalea can’t finish her thought, so I finish it for her.
Standing from my chair, I take one step closer to her with every word I speak. “I’ve loved you. Unfalteringly, unwaveringly, uncontrollably, and unstoppably. No matter how many days I wake with you hating me, I have not once ever stopped loving you.”
A choked sob leaves her.
“I’ve been so awful to you.” Her forehead creases and her fingers return to her temples. “I remember, bits and pieces.” She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as her mind continues to sort through her memories.
When she looks back at me, her ethereal eyes soften. Those eyes were what first drew me into her, and no matter what emotion comes blazing out of them, they always bring me to my knees. But, if they turn even a fraction closer to pitying, I won’t be able to stop myself from doing something to send her right back to hating me.
“So, I’m just collateral damage for the curse you agreed to for yourself.”
I suck in a harsh breath. I’ve never thought of her that way. I didn’t think about how much this would hurt her when I agreed to it. I didn’t think she would ever remember anything. That’s what Dianthus told me. I would be bound to her for eternity, both of us living far longer than any human possible. And we would be together. I practically jumped out of my skin to agree to it. I should have known it sounded too good to be true.
Dianthus warned me that Azalea wouldn’t remember me or our life together, and in that moment, I thought that could be a blessing in disguise. What that bitch didn’t tell me was that if she ever remembered anything about me, her memory would be wiped clean. I couldn’t tell her the bits and pieces of the truth to keep her safe from the full reality of the situation. I couldn’t tell her anything. I had to play into the narrative Dianthus planted in Azalea’s mind, and endure her loathing me every day over and over again. I had to squash her budding curiosity, one of the things I loved the most about her, because every time she found out too much, we had to start over. And I only had so many chances to break this curse. Every time we had to restart, I was one step closer to it becoming permanent.
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“I couldn’t. If I told you the truth, or when you discovered it on your own, which has been a lot by the way… your memory would be erased when you went to sleep and we would start from scratch.”
“My memory is erased?”
I nod.
“But only when I go to sleep?”
Another nod.
“Well, then I’ll just stay up. You’ll make me stay up, until we find a solution to this.”
I can’t help the condescending laugh that vibrates in my chest.
“What?” Her eyes narrow.
“We’ve tried that. Many times. There’s something about your memories being restored to you that is both mentally and physically exhausting. You can’t help it; eventually, one way or another, you fall asleep. We’ve tried tonics and tinctures and every method imaginable to keep you awake, and it simply doesn’t work.”
“Oh.” She sinks further into my bed. “All of those meetings you’ve had lately, do they have to do with the curse?”
“Always so clever.” I smirk. “Yes. The witch who cursed me, her name is Dianthus. She’s been coming for a few visits.” I know she can read the way my shoulders tense, straining against the thin fabric of my shirt as I bring up Dianthus.
“Why?”
“Does it matter? In a matter of hours, you’re going to fall asleep due to exhaustion and forget everything.”
“Then what’s the harm in telling me? Besides, you have my brain for a finite amount of time still. You might as well use it. Don’t you want to break this curse?”
