“Oh, believe me,” I lower my lips until they are only a whisper away from hers. “I am.”
21
Azalea
Lunawhinesoncebeforeputting her head on my lap while Rhoden secures my silk sleeping bonnet to my head. My curls looked particularly good today, so I told her to do this tonight instead of brushing my hair in hopes of preserving them. Otherwise, I’m happy to let her brush it and then style my hair in an updo the next day. My hair often falls between being wavy and curly, depending on how much time and attention I give to it after I bathe.
I also partially gave this task to Rhoden in hopes of keeping her distracted while my mind continues to reel over what happened at dinner. While I would never admit this truth out loud, I couldn’t deny the flames that burned inside me when Braxton pulled my body against his. I’m used to Braxton igniting a raging fire inside me, but this was different. This left my skin tingling and my stomach twirling, and it wasn’t until his hands slipped away from me that that realization filled me with dread.
“Alright, out with it,” Rhoden says, tightening the ribbon around the bonnet.
My eyes meet Rhoden’s in the mirror. I stop worrying my bottom lip between my teeth long enough to ask, “What?”
“Your mind is working through something. Tell me, and maybe I can help you with it.”
She can’t, but I also know she won’t give up until I give her something to puzzle out. “I think our plan isn’t working,” I admit, scrunching my face in regret the moment the words leave my mouth. I should have gone with a different topic. This is far too close to the actual truth that has my mind reeling.
Surprise paints Rhoden’s features. “What? Why?”
“I just think I’m no closer to discovering anything about the curse. The only thing that has seemed to happen is I’ve given Braxton more reasons to both be mean to me and touch me.”
“Touch you?” Rhoden splutters, and I can see in the slight rounding of her eyes that her curiosity is piqued. Shit.
“Not like that!” I lie, hoping she can’t detect the memories of the not one but two kisses I’ve almost shared with Braxton that drift to the surface of my mind.
It’s not the kisses themselves that have my stomach coiling with dread, but the fact that Iwantedthem. A clear lapse in my judgement, but still, a lapse that has happened twice, and I can’t figure out why. When I’m not around him, I despise the mere thought of Braxton touching me, but when his hands pulled me toward him and molded my body to his I felt alive for the first time in what feels like a very long time.
At first, I convinced myself that I got swept up during our picnic in the brief moment where Braxton wasn’t acting terribly toward me, and it further perpetuated the loneliness I tend to feel in the castle. That’s the only plausible reason as to why I would ever let him get that close to me. At least, it was, until I let him do it again at dinner tonight, forcing me to face the hard truth that a part of me didn’t want him to stop touching me. I didn’t want to push him away. Worst of all, I could feel how hardhe was for me, and Ilikedit. I relished in the sense of power it gave me, knowing I had that effect on him, knowing that, as much as he probably hates it, a part of him cravedme.
Rhoden steps around my chair, leans against my vanity, and looks at me. Her face is a careful mask of consideration.
“I mean, getting closer to him was always part of the plan. You had to assume that would come with touching of some sort.” She’s hesitant as she lets the words fall from her lips, clearly still unsure of what I meant by my comment.
“I just don’t think it’s working,” I gripe, wishing again that I had chosen any other subject for us to discuss. I can’t tell Rhoden that I think the plan is actually working in reverse. I can’t tell her that, Sky’s Divine save me, I might actually be starting toenjoyBraxton’s company.
“Hasn’t it only been a couple of days?”
Had it?My eyes widen at the realization that Rhoden’s right. I’ve only been doing this for a couple of days, and already Braxton has worked some kind of dark magic on me. It wasn’t until this morning that I realized I hadn’t received a letter from Phillip since we started this entire escapade. Even worse, I also hadn’t written one either. What was once part of my morning routine had been pushed off for my scheming, and I fear the only one falling for the scheme is myself.
“A couple of very long days,” I snark, slumping in my chair.
“Don’t shut me out.” Rhoden slaps my knee. “I’m trying to help, but I can’t do that when you’re doing all your thinking in there.” She pokes my forehead. “And only telling me bits and pieces.”
I let out a slow, deep breath and feel my shoulders relax partially. I’m extremely grateful for Rhoden and appreciate how much she cares, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want nothing more than to kick her out of my room and throw all of my guards back up.
“Fine. So, it’s only been a couple of days, but I feel like getting close to him is taking all of my attention away from actuallylookingfor what I need. It’s silly to think he’s going to tell me anything. Even when he was piss drunk, he was careful with his words.”
Rhoden uses her hands to push down on my vanity and lift herself fully on top of it so that she’s seated. Her silky hair falls in front of her eyes like a curtain of water, and she places her elbows on her knees, resting her chin in her open hand.
After a moment of pondering, she gives me a mischievous look that I already know I’m going to hate.
“You know there’s more than one way to gather information from a man.” Her grin turns more troublesome as it widens, splitting across her face.
“You look terrifying,” I deadpan.
Her excitement doesn’t falter at my words. Instead, she leans in close to me before saying, “I have a new plan.”
22
