Home. It’s the place I’ve craved so desperately for the last century, thinking it was always out of reach. Now, I already am home. I’ve always been home. Home was never a place for me.
70
Azalea
“Idon’tthinkI’veever been this exhausted.” I yawn stretching out on Braxton’s bed.
He rolls over to look at me, running his fingers through my hair as the sunrise tosses splashes of orange and yellow hues into his bedroom. He’s had the same look in his eyes the past few days as he’s nursed me back to my full health and strength. It’s like he’s trying to capture and cage every moment we spend together in his memory.
“You’re feeling better though?” he prods.
I nod, giving him a warm smile. The night we got back from Dianthus’s house, Braxton brought me to his room, and started running me a hot bath. He did have to chase me down after that because, the moment he was out of eyesight, I ran to the infirmary to check on Rhoden. She was sleeping when I got there, but I got to hold her hand for a few minutes and hear the status of her healing journey before Braxton burst into the infirmary, hauled me back to his room, and plunked me into the hot bath. He slowly washed all the blood, mud, and memoriesfrom my body until my skin felt raw. I didn’t mind though. I wanted everything from that night washed away.
When we drained the tub and I watched the last bits of dirt and blood swirl down the drain, any chances of us talking about what happened seemed to go with it. Every time I tried to bring it up, Braxton would tell me to wait until I got my strength back.
I scoot closer to him on the bed, braving myself to try to broach the topic once again. Taking a deep breath, I let his woodsy musk wash over me, bringing me a sense of calm.
“I’d understand if you wanted to leave now that you’re feeling better. You don’t have to stay here anymore,” Braxton says before I’m able to speak.
My head rears back from him as if his words physically struck me. I sputter out a choked gasp as I try to wrap my head around what he just said.
“Why would I ever want to leave?”
“You’ve wanted to leave for a century,” he laughs, but the sound is hollow. I can see the trepidation in his eyes at finally saying what he thinks I want to hear.
I shake my head vehemently.
“Azalea, you don’t have to stay for me. I’m not the same man you married. There was a darkness in me before you died, and when I lost you, it grew into a monster that became a beast that festered inside me. I don’t know who I came out on the other side as. I barely remember who I was when the curse started.”
My head is spinning, as my eyes droop. He might not remember who he was before this curse, but I do. My head is full of all of the beautiful memories we shared, and I haven’t gotten the chance to tell him that those memories that make me beam with delight don’t stop when the curse started.
He got me to fall in love with him over and over again. I was just too stubborn to admit it. I’ve fallen in love with every version he’s become, never once wanting anything else. Eventhe fiancé that I thought I had, the one crafted from the blurred memories I had of Braxton, pales in comparison to the man I get to spend every day with.
Before I can try and explain this to him, he pushes forward. “When I threatened Dianthus back there, I meant every word. I wanted to pluck out her eyes and rip off her fingernails. I wanted to hear her scream. I wanted to make her pay for the century of torture she inflicted upon you. I thought I was doing you a mercy in signing that contract, where I knew you wouldn’t remember me. I thought that would be better for you. I didn’t know she was going to make me choose. I didn’t know she…” He stops.
Shaking his head, he looks away from me. I see tears brim in his eyes as he thinks about the awful choice she made him make. I lift my hand and gently stroke his cheek, bringing his attention back to me.
“I don’t blame you for the choice you made.”
“But… our child… our daughter…”
I fight against the dryness in my throat as I nod my head in understanding. “I know. I know, and it’s awful, what she made you do. But I can’t say I would have chosen any differently.”
Surprise widens his eyes.
“Maybe we’re both different forms of beasts living in a beautiful world full of monsters. The lines between right and wrong are sometimes too muddled to even make sense of, but we’ve always had each other.”
His thumb reaches up, and he wipes away a tear that slipped past the barrier of my stinging eyes.
“I’ve thought about her every day since finding out what happened, and I’ve mourned her every day.” My voice is tight with my confession, and I watch as guilt washes over Braxton’s features. “But I’d choose you too. And that’s why I’m not going anywhere.”
Braxton lowers his forehead to mine, and we stay like that for a while, breathing each other in. When he brings his lips down to hover over mine, I’m immediately taken over with the desire to kiss him. I want to become intoxicated with the way his lips make me forget the real world and everything that’s happened inside of it. More than anything, I want to get lost in him. In his touch. In his scent. In the feel of him pushing into me.
The curse stole so much from us, but Dianthus unknowingly gave us so much more in return. I bring my lips to Braxton’s, melting into the perfect way his body molds into mine.
Now that the curse is broken, there’s so much we need to figure out. For starters, the kingdom obviously fell under a different rule, since the curse caused the land to forget our very existence and keep us hidden away in our castle.
Braxton and I have the freedom to do whatever we want now. A freedom we’ve never had. He was always bound to be the next ruler of the kingdom, and then we were bound to this castle. Now, we have no bindings, no limits, no measures we need to fulfill. We can be two people getting lost in each other while we venture through the world.
