She follows me in silence, and I lead her out of the penthouse to my car with her clothes and a duffel bag full of money in hand. She asks me dozens of questions, her own sadness filling every word as I keep my eyes focused on the road to take her to the nearest hotel I can find.
When we get there, I open the door for her to get out, grabbing the bags from the trunk and walking through the front door with her behind me. I talk to the receptionist and book a nice room for an indefinite stay, giving them my card to just keep on file for any expenses needed.
“Ivan, will you tell me what’s going on?” Danielle asks for the dozenth time. I walk her to the elevator and hand her the duffle bag alongside her suitcase.
“I haven’t been completely honest with you. I’ve done a lot to hurt you, not to mention you were in danger because of me. I just can’t be a part of your life.” I feel the ache in my chest grow with each word.
“Talk to me,” Danielle insists.
“Your scholarship wasn’t a mistake. It was revoked because I called and paid them a lot of money to cancel it. I fell for you the moment I saw you, and I wanted you to come live with me. I manipulated every circumstance that got you into my penthouse,” I admit, laying everything out. It feels like there’s a weight lifting off of my chest, but at the same time, the devastated look on her face crashes against me, and it’s put right back. “There’s money in that duffel bag, and if you need to charge anything to the hotel, don’t hold back. I’ll pay for your tuition; I’ll make sure you’re taken care of in any way that I can.”
“How could you do this?” Danielle asks, tears streaming down her face. The elevator opens up behind her, and I grab her shoulders, nudging her inside so she can go.
“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you,” I say, knowing that’s the truth. It was never my intention to hurt her, but my selfishness did. “Take that money and start over.”
The elevator doors close with her inside, and I stand outside of it for a moment, wishing things could be different. But I made my bed. Because of that, I have to just let her go off into the world to start over on her own.
If that means without me, so be it.
Chapter 10
Danielle
I expectedChristmas Day to be different. Two weeks ago, I was just planning on doing something small with Leah. But then Ivan stepped into my life, and he changed things for me. I only knew him for a short time, but I can’t get him off my mind.
I don’t understand how I can miss him. He told me he actively stepped in and ruined my life, and my heart aches at the idea of him because I know I want to be back in his penthouse in his arms.
He lied to me, he manipulated me, and he put me in danger. But still, there’s a part of me that just wants to wake up in bed next to him, his arms wrapped around me to let me know that I’m safe.
Instead, I’m at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel, all alone in the room. It’s beautiful and luxurious, and I have everything I need. Room service for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, a pool that I can’t stomach visiting because it reminds me of Ivan.
While it might seem like it has everything, it’s missing something. It’s missing Ivan. It’s missing warmth and love.
I might not know Ivan as well as I want to, but there’s a part of me that wants to get to know him more. I feel insane even thinking about getting to know Ivan.
As I have nearly every day since being here, I lie in bed feeling numb. The TV is on, and I’m watching a nature documentary, but none of the information is registering for me.
My last conversation with Ivan replays in my head over and over, and I wish things could have ended up differently. Maybe if we’d actually had a conversation, I could still be back there, and we could be sitting at the Christmas tree I would have convinced him to put up.
The thought of it now makes me nauseous. My stomach turns, and I jump to my feet, running to the bathroom to puke in the toilet.
“Fuck me,” I groan after I’m done. Unable to get the bad taste out of my mouth by rinsing with water, I give my teeth a quick brush until my breath is minty fresh.
I’m still nauseous, so I know it’s not just my worries about Ivan causing this. I slip on a pair of leggings and an oversized sweater before leaving to head to a pharmacy. It’s Christmas day, so I know not a lot of other places are open. Thankfully, I find one and navigate through the surprisingly crowded aisles to find the nausea medication.
I grab a bottle of Pepto and turn around to see pregnancy tests on the shelf right behind me. I’ve seen them countless times before, and I never gave them any thought. But looking at it now, realization dawns on me.
“No,” I say aloud, shaking my head as I stare at the myriad of different choices.
I was due for my period last week, and it didn’t come. I thought it was stress at the time, but the box of tampons is still unopened in the hotel bathroom. That, coupled with my sudden nausea and vomiting, it’s hard to ignore the possibility.
I grab one of the tests and head to the register, ignoring the knowing glances from the clerk as I rush back to the hotel and take the test.
The next minutes that pass are some of the most excruciating of my entire life. But as I cautiously approach the little plastic stick, a knot forming in my chest I can’t ignore, I know my life is about to change.
According to the instructions, two pink lines mean yes. That’s what I see on the stick.
“Fuck.”
