If this kept up and she couldn’t get her emotions under control she might lose her place in the orchestra.
Thankfully she could live off the income her father gave her. Otherwise her condo, spending money, medical treatments and lifestyle would all be impossible. She still wanted to keep her job. It gave meaning to her life, being able to share her talent and help others to enjoy music.
Reaching the studio, she let herself in and watched a small class doing a modern dance routine. Sometimes, Bethany wondered if she should mix some modern dance into the ballet that she taught her students, but Bethany had been classically trained. She didn’t know how to dance in the modern styles. Jazz, hip-hop and whatever the latest trends were beyond her. She would stick to her ballet.
None of her students would ever become professional dancers. These were inner city kids who hadn’t had enough money nor opportunity to seriously learn the dance. The majority wouldn’t even make it to Bethany’s en pointe class. The girls’ families simply couldn’t afford the shoes, and most would not take the charity of Bethany providing the footwear for their child.
Still, she enjoyed teaching the classes. Bethany hoped that it added structure and self-confidence to the girls. Two qualities that they desperately needed in life. Confidence was something she had always struggled with for herself.
Bethany knew she was considered beautiful. She had a long, lean dancer’s body with blond hair and blue eyes. Far from being a boon, she found it to be an irritant at times. Women didn’t tend to want to be her friend. Men wanted far too much of her.
Until they found out that she was different.
She’d always been different.
Bethany couldn’t remember her childhood. Something as simple as remembering a birthday gift before the age of ten was beyond her. She’d had night terrors as a child. They were so bad that her parents had her start a regime of anti-depressants, sedatives and therapy. As a result, Bethany had always felt zoned out. She had difficulty in formulating lasting relationships. She hadn’t felt the same range of emotions as other people did.
Thus, Bethany had never really known hate or love. Life was bland. She allowed her parents far too much influence in her life. That was why Bethany had finally decided to leave her former psychiatrist and try something new. She’d gone to Dr. Urshman and had immediately liked her.
It was sad when her psychiatrist was the closest thing to a friend that she had.
Bethany wanted to understand why she’d been having the nightmare, always the same one. She wanted to understand why her parents thought she was mentally fragile. Why they’d been so reluctant to start therapy with a new doctor. Ted and Constance Searson had voiced their concerns constantly over her mental health all her life. Bethany was tired of it.
She wanted to be normal.
At Dr. Urshman’s suggestion, they were going to confront her biggest fear and try to push her mind to remember why she was so afraid of water.
Dr. Urshman thought she was strong enough, capable of steering her own destiny. The thought gave her courage.
Bethany smiled as she went through the practiced routines with her pupils. They were her joy. Funny, smart, enthusiastic and talented each in their own way. They were happy and normal kids, enjoying a couple hours away from the world. She was pleased that she got to share that experience with them twice a week.
Finally, class was over, and Bethany sent all of them on their way. She had a small dinner, changed and went to practice at the orchestra hall with her coworkers. Bethany played the violin. She also could play other instruments, but this was her professional position with the orchestra.
“Bethany,” Reginald Wells gave her a smile. “How are you today?”
“Fine, thank you,” Bethany replied. Good manners had her asking, “And you, Reggie?”
“Very well,” he smiled a little wider, revealing his wisdom teeth. Reggie was able to display all his teeth when he pulled his lips back far enough. It was a little disconcerting. Perhaps if he’d gain some weight, he wouldn’t be able to give such skeletal grins.
It was almost as disconcerting as all the attention he’d been paying her lately.
Bethany managed a polite smile in return and fiddled with her sheet music. Hopefully, he would see that she was busy and leave her alone.
“I heard that John Hopper has the flu,” Reggie leaned over, whispering. His bow nearly poked Bethany in the face. “That means the solo might be available for Thursdays performance.”
“That’s too bad about John,” Bethany murmured. It seemed like the polite thing to say.
“Are you thinking of applying?” Reggie asked.
Bethany looked at him in surprise. “For the solo?”
“You’re talented enough,” Reggie complimented her. “You’d look lovely sitting up there in front of the audience. I’m sure you’d be chosen if you apply.”
“That’s nice of you to say,” Bethany responded. “I hadn’t thought about it. Why don’t you apply?”
“Oh me?” Reggie flushed with delight that she would even think that he should. “I’m not a beautiful as you. I won’t look as nice up front.”
Bethany wasn’t sure what she should say to that. She hoped John would get well very soon so it wouldn’t even be an issue.
