“Why is that? Is someone sick?” That would explain it. If her father or mother had been diagnosed with something, it would explain the change of heart.
“No. Quite the opposite.” She stood then, moving towards Raf with a beaming smile. “You and Elodie are not the only future parents, Raf.”
It took a second for him to process what she was saying. The mention of Elodie, and their children, of them becoming parents, was like a chainsaw cutting right through him. He almost staggered backwards in pain at the invocation of the life he’d been living, two months earlier. When he’d genuinely believed they could be ‘parents with benefits’ and there would be no future complications arising from that.
“Hello, did you hear me?” she asked with a laugh, clicking her fingers in his face.
“Yes, shit, Emme, I’m sorry. That’s such great news.” He wrapped her in a big hug, a heavy weight pressing to his chest. Grief making his throat sting. “I’m thrilled for you.”
“As we are for you. Where’s Elodie, anyway? I’d love to swap pregnancy horror stories with her. Won’t it be lovely for our children to grow up together? They’ll be cousins, but more like siblings, just like you all are.”
“Yes,” he agreed, even as the chasm in his chest was yawning to the point of no return.
“You sure you won’t come to dinner with us? Salvatore would love to see you.”
“Another time,” he said. “Soon,” he amended, when her expression showed skepticism and impatience.
“You know they’re going to make me tell them something,” she admitted, as she reached the door.
He felt the weight of that and knew he’d already put his family through more than their fair share, these last few years.
“Tell them we have our twenty-week scan in a few days. I’ll…come home after that. With news.”
She beamed. “That’ll do it.” She reached up onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Want some unsolicited advice?”
“Never, but from you, I’ll tolerate it.”
She grinned. “Your family loves you. They’re special people. Don’t keep shutting them out, Raf. Whatever’s going on, they want the best for you. Let them help.”
He nodded once, but as he shut the door, he knew in his heart that there was nothing his family—or anyone—could do to help him. He was adrift, and far too scared to grab the anchor he so desperately wanted.
Scared—in a way that was holding him back from everything he now knew he wanted most in life. And he hated himself for that.
It wasn’tuntil the morning of the scan that Raf realized how completely he’d been living for this appointment, scheduledso long ago, when Elodie had experienced that scare and the obstetrician had booked in all their dates.
He knew she’d saved it in her phone, because he’d seen her pop the dates in, but he hadn’t realized that it would become the beacon on his own calendar—the date he’d finally see her and could still keep within the boundaries of the relationship they were working to establish.
But he would still get to see her. To hear her voice. To hold her hand, perhaps, as the wand moved over her belly. What would she look like now? How big would the babies be? He had never dressed faster and felt time moved more slowly, as he waited, and waited, for the appointment time to arrive.
After what seemed like an eternity, he made his way to the clinic, drumming his fingers against his knee, feeling a little like a kid on Christmas morning, even when he knew that seeing Elodie briefly wouldn’t change a thing about what they were.
It didn’t matter. After more than two months apart, he needed to see her like he needed air, water, food.
His driver pulled to a stop out the front of the hospital ten minutes before the allotted time. Impatience had him pushing out of the car quickly, striding into the waiting room and glancing around. It was busy, but that didn’t matter. He would have been able to spot Elodie even in a crowd of three thousand. She wasn’t here yet.
Then again, he was early. He paced the linoleum near the doors, glancing up every time they swished open, suppressing his annoyance when it turned out to be someone else. Until the appointment time came, and went, and Elodie hadn’t arrived. A twisting feeling began to grow in his gut, a sense of disbelief and doubt.
He called Raul’s number first. “Are you stuck in traffic?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Where are you?”
“What do you mean?”
“The appointment.”
“What appointment?”
