Because she’d known him for years, had trusted him, had shared experiences, hopes and dreams, and it had all been an illusion. Hadn’t it?
Confusion zipped through her, as she tried to steady her breath. But she was finding it almost impossible to think beyond the rapidly growing feeling that the way she had started to see Raf in her life had very little to do with their baby, and everything to do with him.
“You’re up early.”
She hadn’t moved, and yet he’d obviously sensed that she’d woken. She closed her eyes again, trying to clear the unwelcome thoughts that were completely discordant with their stated agreement, then turned over slowly, rolling onto her side to face him.
Her heart gave a quick, rapid thunder through her chest. As though it were actually banging her over the head, trying to make her see sense. But wasn’t that the problem? Shedidsee sense. She saw the impossibility of loving Raf, even when her heart was hammering at her to wake up and face the reality of their situation.
“Last night went well,” he said, eyes shifting over her face in that way he had—an exploration that spoke of comfortable possession, and never-ending interest. As though her face was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. Her heart rammed harder against her chest.
All she could do was nod. For some reason, the racing of her heart was constricting her vocal cords.
“You don’t agree?”
“I—yes. I liked them.”
“And they liked you.”
Her heart twisted even more urgently. Pieces of her soul seemed to be falling into place, forming a solid wall she couldn’t ever breach. A wall that was forming a new Elodie, different to what she’d been, before meeting Raf.
“I didn’t know you could sing.”
“There’s probably lots you don’t know about me,” she pointed out. Only the words landed in the air between them and hung there, suspended, the expression on his face mirroring the recognition in her mind. Her statement was wrong. Somehow, she felt as though he didknowher. Maybe not all the biographical details, but the real heart and soul of her, the things that mattered most. He saw her in a way that was different and unique.
Aaron had seen her as the teenager they’d been when they first met. Her parents, a little girl. But with Raf, she was simply Elodie, the Elodie he’d met in London. Finding her feet but independent, free from the shackles of the life she’d thought she wanted.
“Your voice is beautiful.”
She was both grateful and disappointed that he let her summation stand. She’d wanted him to argue, she realised. She’d wanted him to admit that he understood the most important things about her, regardless of the fact they’d known each other such a short while.
“Raf,” she said, voice halting a little. But what could she say? How could she tell him that things were changing for her? That she wasn’t sure she knew what she wanted their relationship to be anymore. How could she tell him that she’d done the very thing her manager had warned her off, on that first night?
She’d caught feelings for him. She’d caught feelings, big time.
“You’re nervous.”
He could see it in every line of her body, the tightness of her features. Even her hair looked stressed, the way she’d pulled it into a tight ponytail low on her head.
She glanced across at him, as his car cut through the English countryside, closing out the last few miles to her village.
“I haven’t seen them in months. Not since moving to London. Last time I was here…”
“You were getting married.”
“Well, not quite. I mean, I came home after…after we broke up. I stayed with them a few weeks, before recognising I needed a fresh start.”
He had realised how much he didn’t like to think of Elodie’s life, before they met. Of the fact she’d been engaged to some guy who’d spent years sponging off her and then discarded her at the worst possible moment. As though she meant nothing.
“Then they’ll be glad to see you,” he said, firmly.
She expelled a sigh. “It’s complicated.”
He lifted one brow, waiting for her to continue.
“I told you, they’re conservative. Old-fashioned. The fact Aaron and I lived together for so long without being engaged was almost impossible for them to understand. This—,” she gestured to her very gently rounded stomach with a small shift of her head. “It’s going to be hard for them.”
He closed his eyes on a wave of panic. It gripped him as a snake might wrap around one’s neck, quick and inescapable. Only, he knew what he had to do. He’d done it with Marcia, and he’d believed it to be the right decision. It was only his experience there that had made him cynically withhold the ideaof marriage. But Elodie wasn’t Marcia. He’d known it from the beginning, but every day since then had shown him that she was, in fact, Marcia’s polar opposite.
